When Boy Meets Girl.

Curiousity.... Will it get the best of me?

2009-04-25T23:46:00.003+08:00

Dear readers scattered across the entire globe,

this is yet another entry by the infamous Asrah!
Today I would like to talk about a few irritating questoins that have been bugging me recently.
Firstly, What is being in a relationship about?(BGR)
Secondly, Should I try a relationship?
And last but not the least, If I don't pursue a relationship now, would I regret when I'm older? Like I've lost the splendor of youth or something...

When you 'go out' with someone, is it something like what the TV depict? Or is it solemn?
What happens? What do you both do?
Of course I can't be holding a pen and a notebook and stalk random couples to be my experimental specimens, so I guess I'll never know.
Wait.
On a second thought, maybe I would...(*evil grinn*)

I'm still in the 'studying phrase of life' in the modern society.
So Should I try?
No harm....Right?
But still, look at all those cases of suicidal heart breaks and corny songs of emo-ness.
Safety first~
(But then it is common knowledge that with light there will be darkness, so as to refer to loving, there will be heart-breaks too eh? I guess it's a must for the human emotion.)
(*Okay... I'm contradicting myself.*)

Would I regret not taking advantage of my youth and not falling in love?
Honestly, this bothers me so, as I have seen many adults in my life who up to now, 50+ years old and still single and... Lonely?
Will i ever end up like them? I wonder....

But I know they're never alone. No one is actually.
From the instant anyone was formed in their mother's womb, they're already recognised by someone I know. And yes, if it crossed some of your minds, it's God.

But I guess tomorrow will have its worries and so on...
So for now, I'll just go to sleep.

I'm going to play basketball with my brothers tomorrow... If i can wake up.

And shoots, I TOTALLY OVERSLEPT TODAY!
(Woke up at 12nn)

I need to be more...persistent and thirsty to study hard... Call me a nerd, but I'm seriously not.
Still 'slacking'.
Shoots, and the grand exam is like 2 months away.

God save me!

And yeah, I don't think I have time to worry about true love, and I don't need to, cause I thin God has prepared someone special for me:D

Good nitesss!!

Asrah

"How to Build Self Confidence"- Chrome

2009-04-25T21:38:00.003+08:00

You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize you are a good human being that is worthy of respect and love.

Steps:

Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
Don't view yourself as inferior to others. Don't walk around with the subconscious mindset that others are better or more qualified than you, whether it's related to work, school, or just socializing. To a certain degree, it's good to walk around with a feeling of superiority.
However, don't take this too far, or you'll come across as a jerk.
Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
Be Positive, even if you don't feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
I am gorgeous, huh?Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
Don't Care What Other People Think You shouldn't care about what other people will think or are going to think because what's important is that you are fine with yourself and if you're fine with yourself, others will be fine with you!

Tips:

Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
Take a wilderness experience course such as those found at Outward Bound or NOLS. Learning how to survive in the wilderness will build your confidence in other areas of life too. You can also try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way; don't let anyone tell you differently. Remember to tell yourself that you are beautiful every day; even if you don't believe it, one day you will.
Money, luck, beauty, and all other material things are just an illusion of happiness. It misleads us to believe we will feel excellent if we have these things or have fun, but in the long run, you will discover that while these things aren't necessarily horrible, they are only mere satisfactions. You will realize having the American Eagle jacket, Nike Shoes, or an attractively rich person flirting with you is only a satisfaction, so you in the end you might feel glad you've gotten what you wanted, but you'll want more and more until you reach happiness. It'll be you just running for happiness blindly until you are worn out.
Happiness is not all about being lucky, attractive, or the best, but rather feeling joyful in yourself, letting go of your insecurities, and having real fun. Sometimes going clubbing is also what the media tags as being the most fun thing, and it can be, but you decide what feels wonderful and happily fun. The reason people also reflect back to their childhood as "the good ole days" is because that's when being the richest or prettiest doesn't count really, and when we were able to release ourselves and have true fun, feeling happy and confident.
Keep smiling all the time. It will help you feel more confident.
Say what comes to your mind; since your instinct thought of it, it's probably the right thing for you. Trusting your instinct will provide you with confidence to make the right decision at the right time.
Practice good posture. Our body posture represents what we are at that particular time. A simple habit that we can learn and implement is to stand and sit correctly. Your proper body posture will speak for you; how you stand sends out a message to the world, and in turn, back to you.
Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
Write something on wikiHow! If you have a suggestion for anything, then share it. You will feel good for contributing, helping someone, and having your voice heard.
It is important that you take a oath every morning that you will do wonders today. Never think negative about yourself.
You can provide yourself with an extra measure of confidence by using the Best Me Technque of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power."
Self confidence is also about knowledge. Improve your knowledge on subjects which you feel are interesting.
Be true and honest to yourself. You will never be confident in yourself if you don't accept yourself and all the imperfections you may have because, although you may have imperfections, you have natural talents too. Also, you must accept the fact that you are not and never will be "perfect" but you are who you are. Finally, you may have high expectations for yourself but if you just work hard and play hard, that's all you can ask for.
If you spend a lot of time wondering or worrying what people think of you, try focusing on something else. Dwell on a book you just read, the state of the world today, Somali pirates... or just listen to music. You will feel better, develop your personality, and look much less awkward. If you happen to glance up and catch someone's eye, smile! Because you da bomb...

Warnings:

Don't get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give you something to improve. There's no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
Don't confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.
Do not try to become confident in the sole interest of finding a partner. You will regret creating a false personality as the relationship goes along.
It's good to have a lot of confidence, but don't build it up so much that you get egotistical and annoying.
Lack of confidence is not necessarily a curse! So do not worry. Many ignorant, fanatic and maniac people are confident but is that desirable? No. Building self confidence should be associated with simultaneous growth from within. Thus by overcoming pettiness and superficiality you can build unshakable self confidence
Do not mistake being loud and cocky as confidence. Often this is just a way of somebody with lots of insecurities to cover it up, therefore not being confident at all. Confidence is being happy with yourself and not allowing what other people think of you to affect you, you should only care about what you think of yourself.
Don't get suckered into thinking ads like the one at the end of this wikiHow are a quick fix. No one can sell you a magic solution to make you self confident, you need to prove yourself to yourself.

"How to Be Yourself" - Chrome

2009-04-25T21:33:00.004+08:00

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. — Oscar Wilde
Being Yourself is celebrating you, as an individual - learning to express yourself and be happy with who you are. For some people, it's learning to love yourself, for others, it's not hiding who you are or changing things about you to fit in. So read on to know how to express the inner you.

Steps:

Find yourself. You can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate your life and choices. Try to think about what kind of things you would or wouldn't like to do, and act accordingly; finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them and not let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past, so there is no use crying over spilled milk.
Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn't matter. It's impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go around in a vicious cycle trying to please people; it's totally pointless in the end. However, if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of dismissing the critique automatically or accepting it indefinitely.
Be honest and open. What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, growing, learning human beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself — and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest with yourself, but don't beat yourself up; apply this philosophy to others, as well. There is a difference between being critical and being honest; learn to watch the way you say things to yourself and others when being honest.
Relax. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you're not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. It's also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!
Develop and express your individuality. Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it... unless it's destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.
Have a productive day. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and that some days, you're the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say "Hey, that's just me" and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you'll respect yourself.
Believe in who you are. If you're always working to be someone you're not, you'll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you're proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that's how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend, so start trying to figure out how you can do that. If you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the most fun type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point.
Follow your own style. The common thing a lot of people do is copy other's actions because it seems like the better route to fit in, but really, shouldn't you stand out? Standing out yes, is very hard, but you need to try avoid assuming other people's perspectives of you. Maybe you like to sit outside on the deck under a umbrella in the middle of the rain, maybe you have different ideas of things, rather than other people, maybe you like strawberry cake instead of the common chocolate cake, whatever you are, accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you.

Tips:

There's a difference between being yourself and being rude. You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everyone else. You shouldn't disrespect people who disagree with you; they have the privilege of being themselves just as you do. Conversely, don't agree with something you honestly don't think is right; just don't try to force your opinions on other people.
If fads or trends strike your fancy, don't avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!
As the famous song goes, "Life's not worth a darn until you can say, I am what I am." When you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.
Even if you are interested in something that doesn't interest most people, don't be afraid or hide it; stand up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are.
Don't worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest!
If you have a habit that helps you escape your worries, e.g gaming or browsing the internet, stop going and face yourself and your insecurities.
In some cases, reducing Internet dependency might help you feel more "connected" to yourself. It may be easier to nurture your individuality without the perpetual distractions of the Internet. Try not going online for a while, and if this leads you to start feeling better about yourself, then you may want to consider replacing all the excess time you spend on the Internet with offline activities, such as hobbies or clubs.

Warnings:

Just because you don't care about how people perceive you doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.
Don't lose yourself when you're with other friends. Be yourself. Don't be someone else so other people will like you; in the end, you would end up hurting other people and losing yourself.
Don't think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don't allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don't ignore them either.
Make sure that you can show the same "you" to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you've done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what's right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself.
Keep in mind that 'being yourself' is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don't fit in to your society. Whether you want to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society's ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)
Nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper), then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone's cues and "being yourself." Don't deny yourself of the truth by saying it's everyone else's problem and not yours. You'll only be hurting yourself in the long run.
While you're being you, remember that "you" might have your flaws that might need to be changed, but only for the better (materialistic things/personality do not count, such as your favorite bag that everybody ridicules, or if you talk quietly). Goals and bad habits count. Say, you have bad acne and you've been stressing on it for a while. Don't say "well, 'I' have bad acne, and I want to be myself, so I'll give up on getting rid of it." Or if you have some bad habits, don't say "it's a part of me, that's the way it is," because you can still change yourself for the better and in ways which will make you grow.
Being yourself can be cool it can get people to notice you but don't overdo it, sometimes its kind of good to just go with the flow and not stick out like a sore thumb
Try to stop mocking people different than you, for all you know people could be making fun of you!

"How to Express Your Individuality" -chrome

2009-04-25T21:27:00.005+08:00

Individuality is how one expresses him or herself. Once you learn how to be yourself, let others know!
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken!"

Steps:

Show what you love and what you are good at, this will make you shine and not be any other person. "You can be whatever you want to be but don't change yourself for society"
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, you are great JUST as you are"
Be true to yourself - the loreto way.
Know exactly who you are. Figure out your likes and dislikes, and what's unique about you.

Make a list of the things you like. You can make this fun, and no one has to see it but you.

Be completely honest with yourself.
Mold your life around what you like. It's alright if you like to make other people happy, it's good to be able to bend a little for other people. However, don't wear something to make someone else like you. Don't do the 'cool' things if you don't like them.
Decorate your room the way you want it to be. If you want certain colors on your walls, buy some paint and get started! Whether you want to hang paintings or posters, or if you want to put flowers or a collection of yours on your shelves, make sure your room reflects you as a person.
If something unique catches your eye, and you like it, buy it! This could be a pair of earrings, an unusual handbag or just an item of clothing that you think shows your personality well, be willing to WEAR it! ~`~
Make your clothes as individual as you. Make a boring t shirt into something of your own by applying beads, sequins, badges, fabric paint, buttons, chains, ribbon, sewing detail, eyelets, iron on images and much more!
If you don't like current fashions, make your own! Put together pieces of clothing that you wouldn't normally consider as a combination. Layer your clothes and accessories, and if it looks good, wear it!
Don't be afraid to put your personal touches into an outfit. You could be wearing a fashionable dress, but it would be individual if you added the necklace that was passed down from your grandmother, an special pair of shoes or a pair of earrings that mean something to you.
Wear clothes that you like. Don't feel pressured to wear something just because its fashionable. If you like a certain style of clothing or certain colors, wear them with pride. Ignore what everyone says, because as long as you like them, it does not matter what they think.
Be happy with yourself and what you like and your personality is what makes you an individual; no one is alike ; you are the only you there is!
Make your phone individual! You can buy stick on gems, rhinestones or just stickers, or you could buy a cool phone charm, phone case or phone holder. If you can, put songs on your phone that you like and have them as your ringtone. Or if your phone has the feature, make your own ringtones! You could have a picture of you and your family or friends, or a pet, as your wallpaper. You could also do this on your computer.
Customize things to make them your own. Put stickers on your school books (if you are allowed), decorate your bedroom with fairy lights or charms, or brighten up a boring bedroom wall with a notice board filled with pictures of all the people and things that are special to you.
Listen to the type of music that you like, and not whats popular. If you like a certain type of music, such as rock, listen to it and don't be afraid to tell people that you listen to it.
Say what you feel and be honest. If you lie, you aren't showing your true feelings and letting people know how you truly feel. Tell people your dreams, your likes, dislikes, no matter how weird it feels.
Check yourself in the mirror before going out. This may seem vain, but if what you see doesn't make you smile, then it's not worth it. If you find yourself adjusting your clothing constantly, it's obviously not something you're comfy in. Doesn't matter what it is, it needs to make you feel good when you see yourself!

Tips:

Make changes gradually, don't change everything in your life at once.
Be yourself—not anyone else.
Prioritize, figure out what is more important to you

Warnings:

Think about making a change, will it affect your relationship with someone else? What is more important to you... friendships could be lost.
Changing too much at once can cause an overload of stress...relax.

How to Emotionally and Physically Protect Yourself - Chrome

2009-04-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

CHROME

Prevention is better than cure, so try to never let people attack you in the first place.

Steps:

Don't let people walk all over you. Don't be rude to people for no reason, but don't laugh it off if someone does something mean to you. That only tells them it's okay to do it again. Be able to stand your ground.
In the event that you get a crush on someone, try to avoid long, passionate love notes. These usually tend to scare people away and give them the impression that you have an obsessive personality. Instead, consider writing a brief note, such as, "I think you're really cute and I like you, do you want to go hang out some time?"
Always be on guard. There can be some real jerks in school. People may be targeting you.
Don't put complete trust in all of your friends. When you're in school, the social group that you're with will probably change. Don't completely cut yourself off from your closest friends completely, but be careful. If you have a friend that you hang out with sometimes, but aren't really close with, don't tell her anything that you wouldn't want the whole school knowing. If you have a friend that likes to talk behind their other friend's backs, keep in mind that she can be talking about you behind your own back, too.
Do homework!Stay on top of your homework. Despite its boredom and tedium, it really is better for you in the long run. You won't need to repeat semesters (or even entire grade levels) if you can stay on top of your work.
Don't leave your things laying around in front of other teenagers, especially if they have really personal things in them [i.e. your purse]. There are some people who will dig through your stuff the very moment that your back is turned and read whatever they find.
Don't be persuaded into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with. If you're at a friend's house and everyone is having a drink, but you don't want to, that's okay. I've been there, and believe me, getting drunk and waking up the next morning remembering all the things you did is NOT fun. Not only that, but it takes a teenager just two months of regular drinking to do permanent liver damage. It takes an adult ten years.
'
If you're at a party, don't accept a drink from someone else. Don't leave your drink unattended. Someone could slip something into it and you would never know (the 'date rape' drug is completely tasteless). If you're going to drink, please don't do it at parties. If you get drunk enough, you're leaving yourself very vulnerable to all kinds of things. If you don't think you can gracefully say no to a drink if offered, just carry a cup with water in it.
Don't get into cars with people you don't know very well. This goes for girls and guys. Just don't do it. Even if you know them kinda sorta from school or somewhere else. It's just not safe.
Always wear deodorant and brush you teeth really well. Don't forget to brush the back of your tongue, that's the place that causes icky breath! Also, wash yourself everyday.
Don't let other people hurt your feelings. Just because they call you ugly or stupid or anything else does not make it true. Chances are, they're probably just one those people that gets pleasure out of being mean.
For girls: Some boys will say anything to get into your pants. Don't be afraid to say 'no' and don't be feeling guilty into doing something you don't want to do. Just because he says he loves you doesn't make it true. And, odds are, if he wants you to do something you're not comfortable with HE DOESN'T REALLY LOVE YOU. You want someone who will love you for YOU, not your body.
If you have had sex and regret it, don't feel guilty. Don't be afraid to talk to a parent or another adult you love and can be open with! This is always a damn good idea. Also, know the facts! A few quick facts: Douches do not protect against pregnancy or STDs (STIs), condoms aren't 100% effective, and neither is the pill, having sex during any time of the month can result in pregnancy
Tips:
Tune out the rotten things people say.
Have someone you can trust and talk to. A parent, a relative, a counselor (remember, counselors by law cannot share what you say to them with other people, as long as it is not something that's against the law, such as a serious death threat).
If you are being harassed in any way, don't be afraid to tell someone!
If you have been raped or assaulted (this goes for guys too), contact the authorities immediately. This is not your fault.
Lift weights and become physically fit. Not only is it healthy but people will be scared of you.
The most valuable thing you can have is self assurance. Acting vulnerable to get attention will only ever get the wrong kind- why are you taking care of yourself if you're acting like you're not worth it?
Warnings:
These are just suggestions. If you have a serious problem or need help ask for help from a professional or parent or other adult.

"How to Identify if You Are in an Abusive Relationship" - Chrome

2009-04-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

Steps:
Review the following Ten Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
History of legal or discipline problems or has trouble keeping a job.
Blames you for his / her anger.
There is a difference between a person having an occasional bad day, and a person consistently blaming someone else for their problems.
Serious drug or alcohol use or other addiction.
Is the person addicted to drugs, alcohol, video games, or shopping? Do they self-medicate to try to get away from their problems? Do they try to avoid problems instead of dealing with them? If so, this person could be trouble.
History of violent behavior.
Threatens others regularly.
Insults you or calls you names.
Trouble controlling feelings like anger.
Tells you what to wear, what to do or how to act. Or tries frequently to keep you away from friends or family. Isolation is a form of brain-washing and manipulation. They are trying to keep you away from people who could help you.
Threatens or intimidates you in order to get their way.
Do any of the above sound like your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse? If so, then:
Talk to someone that you can trust.
Plan in advance to have a safe place to go. Your safe place should be 20-30 minutes drive time away. The further away it is, the less likely the person is to follow you and confront you.
Keep money and your cell phone or calling card with you at all times.
Establish a code word or sign so family, friends and co-workers know when to call for help. You could say "I'm meeting with Mr. Reddy." Mr. Reddy stands for "red alert" or "something is really wrong."

Tips:
DO NOT let a boy or a girl be in control of your actions.
Think about the pros and cons about your relationship, make a list
and see if an abusive stressful relationship is worth it.
Do not think you'll not be able to find someone else to make you happy.
There are plenty of people that will appreciate you and care about you without being controlling and making you feel less worthy.

"How to Have a Healthy Relationship" -Chrome

2009-04-24T21:56:00.002+08:00

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines

Steps:

Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you didn't? Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner. Your life is ONLY under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take.
Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the difference between yourself and your partner. Don't expect he or she agrees with you on everything. Reach mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.
Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences. If you can't reach any mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you is wrong or bad.
Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute.
Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship to work you need to have trust.
Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign. It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.
Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.
Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry " You'll be amazed how this works"
Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.
Admit your mistakes and say sorry. Right after a misunderstanding or argument, tell your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Tell your partner to do the same thing and talk to them after 10-15 minutes. Tell your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.
Spend some quality time together- No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.
Laugh Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it's also true that laughter can make a great relationship. In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner and share humorous feelings. Not only does laughing bring you two closer, but it also makes you seem fun and approachable.

Tips:
Know yourself and be honest with yourself and love yourself -- first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.
Take good care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you're very familiar with one another.
All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You just have to find the right person to respect, this is the hard part.
Ask questions, clarify, don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say "you don't love me / you never loved me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to break up?". You will regret one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first.
Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be gentle and kind. Apologize if your partner feels hurt(but dont let them make you feel bad). Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care. When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk. When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by give him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.
Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative. Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Letting your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don't just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it.
Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it's just to say 'hi' and 'I love you'.
Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust - build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicating truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words. In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions - building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far.
However, ultimately your life and where it takes you is more important than your obligations to someone else. If there is trust in a relationship, you should be able to do what you want. You aren't responsible for making someone else jealous.
Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her. Whether it's calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.
Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.
It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. "Do you sometimes think about your ex?" and "do I look fat in these pants?" are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, "I think you have other pants that look better on you" is a helpful answer, instead of simply "they don't", or "they do make you look fat".
Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners or coworkers. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of a gender you are attracted to; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you're no longer romantically involved. Don't ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it's best not to answer totally honestly is "do you still think about your ex?" If you have fond memories, don't dwell on them, and assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don't launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or talk at length about the good times you had together or things you did together.
'It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships' - That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise (Remember - its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don't be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible). If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it.
Warnings:
Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic. Marriage should not be on your mind if you've been dating for a week, for example. Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you'll never be lonely again, or anything like that. Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely occasionally when in a relationship - that doesn't mean the relationship is bad, it only means you're feeling a little down. Don't ascribe too much importance to it unless these feelings linger and begin to dominate your days and nights. If this happens, seek help; you may be spiralling into a depression.
Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle.
Do not call it quits when you do argue. When in a state of anger, we can not rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we don't mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will regret afterwards. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the possible reasons, and talk it over together.
There is no such thing as a PERFECT relationship. Sure, most of the time you'll be compromising. But don't get shocked or overly depressed because of arguments or fights. This will come for SURE. Without arguments and fights, your relationship will NOT grow stronger.

"How to Get Through Valentine's Day Being Single" - chrome

2009-04-24T21:51:00.002+08:00

There's no doubt about it, what kind of day is Valentine's Day without someone you love loving you back? It's like Christmas without good food and presents, it's just not right. With the red hearts and chocolate advertising in stores left and right even a few weeks before Valentine's Day, it's completely hard especially knowing that thousands of couples will be soaking up Valentine's Day full of love, and being single just won't cut it. Hopefully, this article will give you a few things to do the big V-day, so that you can feel just as happy as other couples

Steps:

Get chocolate. Who says you need someone to buy it for you? Get a box of chocolate and enjoy it. (Extra piece of information: Chocolate releases endorphins in the brain to make you feel good! So a little chocolate will actually improve your mood and make you feel better.)
Send yourself roses or a fun candy bouquet. Order the set a couple weeks before Valentine's Day. Sign the card "From A Special Admirer." and send it for you to get on Valentine's Day. Even if you remember it's you who really sent it to yourself, it will still make your day.
Spend time with those you love. Instead, spend time with different kind of love - your friends and your family. See a movie with some friends, eat dinner at the local diner with a handful of family, whatever you do, love is love, and Valentine's Day is there to represent it. You don't need to be in a romantic relationship to enjoy V-day.
If you just got out of a bad relationship, a great idea of what to do for yourself is, make it a "Pamper Day" or an "All About You Day". Go spend some money on yourself. It's good to be a little selfish now and then. And when you see those red heart decorations or you hear a love song, think of yourself, and how much you love yourself.
Don't feel sorry for yourself. This will just make the day depressing and dreaded. Instead, be excited for this day. After all, it only comes once a year! And it's still a holiday!
Bake! Try out a fun recipe and spend time on it! And make it a goal to eat all yourself! Try this. Basically, it's a fast 10 minute way of making a cake!
Do something nice for another person. Open a door for someone who needs it, volenteer at a church, buy a rose and give it to someone random on the street, whatever you do, will make you feel full of love inside.
Visit somebody. A friend, a relative you haven't seen in a while, whoever it is, visit them. Offer to help out a little bit. This is your day, spend it on someone worth spending on.
You can also stay inside. This simplest of all solutions is also the most difficult to carry out, if Valentine's Day is in the middle of your workweek or at the start of it—and your supervisor may not appreciate having half her work force call in sick on a busy Monday.
But if you’re self-employed, by all means, lock your door, turn off all your lights, and wait until the day is over. Try to avoid this, but if your really this depressed, stay in.
Don’t compare yourself to other people. If you’re the type who imagines folks secretly pointing at you on the street and laughing at your single status, you’re spending way too much time measuring yourself against supposedly happy, snuggling couples. Remember: just because a person is partnered up on V-Day doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she is blissed out (or even remotely contented).
Use Valentines Day as an actively seek a partner day, so many places put on singles evenings so get your girlfriends or male friends together and head for a singles party. Who knows who you might meet?
Bad attitudes really don't help anybody. They make you feel worse and certainly don't make other people want to be around you. Try and find different perspectives to look at so you can feel better. Find things to do, like taking a relaxing bath, reading a magazine, taking a art class. Channel the bad feelings away.
You might be spending the day alone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a little relationship imagination. Pick up Susan Minot’s novel "Rapture." It’s a story about an afternoon two lovers spend in bed. What the heck, you can spend the day in bed, too!

Tips:

If you're depressed because you're single, just remember that everything happens for a reason. Fate is a pretty powerful thing, and there are no coincidences. You are single right now for a good reason. Try and figure that reason out. Maybe you're holding yourself back and you just don't know it. Maybe it's time you've looked at your life from another perspectives so that you can open yourself up to a new relationship.
Avoid thinking badly about couples. More than likely since you're single, you're going to be thinking "Ohh look at that weird couple.", or point out bad things or odd things about couples because you're jealous you're not in a relationship. You should instead celebrate their love. Think about this just one day, aside from their anniversary, that they get to truly celebrate their love too. Also, Another common thought is "Oh I wish I had a relationship like that.", but you have to think better and realize that you will get that some day. It will just take some time.
To make your holiday a little more interesting, mix it up, by watching a Christmas movie, or a Halloween movie, try and remember other past holidays and incorporate it into one. It will take your mind off being single, and it's a great funny fun tip.
Working on burning off that extra 5 pounds you put on over the holidays? Think chocolate is out of the question? Think again! Indulge your senses with this delicacy, but not by taste—try touch, sight and smell instead! Lather up with chocolate-bar soap from Amazon, while burning a chocolate-scented candle from Chocolate Sensations and soaking in hot chocolate bath salts available at FindGift. Spritz yourself with a little Tartine et Chocolat perfume found at Shopzilla. Then get cozy and pop in the movie "Chocolat."
If you are alone on Valentine’s Day, think of it as an opportunity to focus on the presence of love. Train yourself to love you for once! It’s just as important as loving others.
Valentine’s Day is meant for that special someone in your life. Who says that special someone can’t be you? You work hard for the money and, last I checked, St. Valentine wasn’t going steady with anyone. So spend the day treating yourself to indulgences the Saint himself would want you to have!

Warnings!

Don't miss out on today just because you want to avoid it. Sleeping all day doesn't serve any purpose.
Ever heard of Carpe-Diem? (It means Seize the Day!)

How to Enjoy Being Single - Chrome

2009-04-24T21:47:00.002+08:00

There is always a grieving period when you have lost a spouse or someone you thought was a "soul mate". The loss may be as a result of death, divorce or a break up. So how do you survive after the grieving?

Steps:

Say yes to every opportunity to learn, grow and meet new people.
Be grateful for what you have. After the grieving period, focus on what you do have for example, good health and a good support system of family and friends.
Don't be afraid to invest yourself in deep relationships with other people. You don't have to be dating somebody to have a intimate and fulfilling relationship with them. Don't be afraid to open up and be vulnerable sometimes.
Decide for yourself if there are aspects of your life or your personality that you would like to change and do it. You are your best evaluator. You don't need to listen to those people who tell you that you are single because you are too "picky", too fat,or too old to meet someone else.
Ignore the toxic people in your life. It is easy to recognize them. Their negative words of fear and discouragement sap your energy.
Think about all the things you can do because you are now single. You could take off and go travelling without discussing it with somebody else. You can watch TV all day without being called lazy. You don't actually have to do these things but, sometimes, just the knowledge that you could is enough to make you feel great.
Invest in yourself. Save some money and get a professional massage. Get a manicure and pedicure .... anything that nurtures your body and lifts your spirit.
At times small things can tend to pull you way down. Try to see the beer mug half full instead of half empty, in other words try to see the brighter side of things.

Tips:

Look in your local newspaper for opportunities to join a service club or volunteer with an organization. Look in your church newsletter for church related activities if that makes you happy. Check the continuing education program at your local community college to see if there is a class that you would like to attend.
Now that you are single, you will discover that there are some ignorant friends, family and neighbors who think that being single means you are desperate and stupid. Don't be offended. Just drop them from your close circle.
Host a Singles Party. Ask single friends, male and female, to invite at least one other single friend.

Warnings:

You can learn new things from anyone you could possibly meet, but be careful; choose people who teach you in a positive way rather than a negative one. Some lessons are better learned through observation, rather than experience. You are vulnerable but not stupid.
Be wary of persons who need to borrow your money.
Consult a therapist or your doctor if you are depressed. You can also build yourself up by pushing yourself - take classes at the community college that target your learning needs of self in some way (psychology, art, self-defense, women's studies, for ex.) That way if you aren't comfortable seeing a therapist yet, you can effectively learn about yourself without isolating yourself at the same time. This can also be done by attending religious services that you can trust. Self help books (Dr. Phil has a way of writing his books so that they can seem one-on-one with you) or the topics on Wiki How-To on personal growth can truly help you if you take the advice. This time of being single is also an excellent opportunity to reach out & become more family oriented. After all, this may be a time you need them most! Family isn't defined as, or limited to, only those to whom you are blood-related.

How to Prevent Date Rape - chrome

2009-04-23T21:55:00.002+08:00

Although most people think of rapists as strangers, approximately one half of rape victims know the person who attacked them. The good news is that most date rapes can be prevented

Steps:

Avoid getting drunk at parties. Alcohol lessens inhibitions and decreases your awareness. Therefore, you are more likely to do things that you would not do while sober. It is best to stay lucid, especially in the company of people you barely know. You become easy prey for someone with bad intentions watching for someone to hit on.
Always watch your beverage, even if it is soda. Keep it with you at all times- carry it with you to the bathroom if necessary. Date rape drugs like rohypnol ("roofies"), gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB), and ketamine can easily be mixed into drinks when you are not looking. Such drugs can cause you to lose consciousness.
Once you lose sight of your drink, do not consume any more of it. You do not know whether a substance had been added to your beverage at the time of your absence. Get another drink. Date rape's not worth it.
Avoid going into secluded areas with your date until you trust him/her. Go on double dates until you feel comfortable being alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Date people you are familiar with.
Be clear about what you are seeking from your relationship. If you do not know, ask the person you are seeing to give you some time to figure things out. Do not lay around, flirt, or give them signs that you don't feel well. Do not let anyone pressure you into doing anything you do not feel is right.
Avoid being alone with anyone who makes you uncomfortable. Your instincts will tell you which situations to remove yourself from. If you are invited to have tea or a drink with someone new- even during broad daylight DO NOT GO ALONE. Take a friend or friends with you- it can prevent many misunderstandings, and in many parts of the world it is okay to take friends with you without getting permission first- and even if it isn't okay, who cares? Take care of yourself first.
Do not go to an apartment or hotel room if you do not know the person well, and don't let them follow you to your room. Once you are in their abode- or they in yours- it is much more difficult to extract yourself from a bad situation.

Tips:

Trust your instincts! If you feel uncomfortable in any way DO NOT TRY TO NORMALIZE IT! Tell your date you are sick and about to puke, or get out of the situation some way. Never doubt your instincts or tell yourself the instinct is wrong or you misjudged him or her. Many people will look back and realize they had uncomfortable feelings before they had something bad happen.
If all else fails drink water, or mix coke and sprite to look like a drink.
Go to parties with a sober friend or a designated observer who is not drinking, who can keep an eye on you and make sure nothing bad happens.
Always carry your own car keys so that you can always get away. They can also be used as weapons if need be.
Carry enough cash for a cab ride home. Keep it as emergency cash and don't spend it. You may need it for other things, such as a being dumped on the side of a road or something. If you are in a foreign country, always have the name, front desk phone number and address of your hotel with you and written in a language that your cab driver can understand. Don't ever have your room number with that information. Leave information about where you were going, with whom, and when you should be back in your room- and how someone might find you.
If you absolutely must, disable a would-be-rapist so that you can get away
Be cautious of large punch bowls or drinks given to you by other people. It is very easy for people to slip drugs into them.
Open your drink yourself.
Don't share drinks.
If you can see that they have condoms, or any other sexually oriented items that make you feel uncomfortable, don't say anything. Just get out of there!
Don't go out with strangers.
Call your parents if you are stranded somewhere- or a friend who will come and get you. What's the worst thing you parents can do compared to being raped, killed, or any other unfortunate things? Never feel that you can't call a parent or a close friend.
Put a close friend, parent, or someone that is always concerned about you and would answer your calls, on speed dial. That way if you are ever in a compromising situation, you can just hit one number and call without anyone knowing.

Warnings:

If he/she starts touching tell them forcefully to stop and walk away, preferrably to a place where there are other people.
Always stay alert and aware of the situation you are in.
In some cultures western women are perceived as "easy." This creates many problems for women who are traveling, and it creates an unexpected danger because you may not have done anything that you perceive as provocative. To be safe, NEVER ASSUME THAT THERE IS A NON-SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN- no matter what age- AND ACT ACCORDINGLY. In many cultures men and women are never casual, asexual friends, and if you assume there is a sexual undercurrent (even if it is the last thing you could imagine) you are be better prepared to protect yourself.
If you are in a group, please look out for each other and don't let members of your group wander off alone or with someone unknown to the group.

"how to deal with being dumped when you want to remain friends"- Chrome

2009-04-23T20:28:00.002+08:00

You shared a wonderful friendship. Somewhere along the way, and maybe against your better judgment, you crossed the line, and friendship turned into love. For a little while, it was even more wonderful than your platonic relationship - for you. You fell in love. Then the hammer dropped and now your best friend wants to return to your platonic relationship. How do you purge your romantic attachment, but keep your affection for your friend alive? It's all about "Compartmentalization" and "Processing."

Steps:

Keep all recriminations and pleading to yourself. Let's face it: done is done. You knew there was a risk getting involved with your pal, but you went ahead anyhow, and now s/he has cold feet, or wants to go back to the ex before you, or whatever. Take the news as gracefully as you possibly can, try not to cry over it - your friend (if s/he really is your friend) feels bad enough, and is probably scared of losing you.
Understand that making this transition will not be easy. Let your friend know that you regret his/her decision, but will respect it out of love for your friendship. Tell him/her that you'll need him/her to respect your need for some space for the next little while.
Write a letter with any things you felt have been left unsaid. Make it as long and sappy as you like. When you've finished it store it away somewhere far. This will let out some of your feelings and may help you understand them better
Get to work. Following are the actual steps in helping yourself get through this and come out on the other side with your friendship intact. It may take up to a year; what you have to accept is that: during that time, it will be easier if you cut contact with your friend; and that it is something that must simply be endured, like a broken arm. Time away from your friend will help you make a line between your hope for what could have been, and the reality that now must be.
Recognize that you need to talk about it so much more than your family/friends can stand to hear about it. You know you're obsessing, but you can't help yourself - you see them glazing over, and you're helpless to stop. And you notice, after a while, talking about it doesn't really help anyhow. Do allow yourself to talk it out for the first two or three weeks, but if you are still hurting after that: Find one good friend - your sister, brother, or pal, and talk to her/him from time to time. Not EVERY time you see them, if you can help it. But at least you will have one or two people you can occasionally vent to.
Allow yourself at least a half hour every day to grieve your loss. You have to go on with life, otherwise you will lose your job, flunk out of school, lose all your other friends, whatever.

Knowing that you will give yourself at least half an hour at some point today to think about this will help you get through until you can sit alone and do it.
Come up with the mental image you will use to box up and eventually purge your emotions. For some, it can be collecting images into a box and throwing them overboard, for our example, we will use a mentally conjured bonfire, on a mentally conjured beach. It is here that you will allow yourself to feel and grind on your emotions over and over for the next little while. Try to confine your grieving to this scenario, while going through the rest of your day without dwelling on it excessively.
Sit in a room alone, preferably a dark one, and begin building a mental image of being on a beach at night. Now you're all alone in your room, in the dark. You have the time to just sit and process your grief, away from others, away from the world. Imagine every detail of that beach as vividly as you possibly can. Hear the waves pounding the sand. Feel the sand, damp and slightly cold on your bare feet, let your toes squish down in it. See a fire pit in front of you. Hear the seagulls crying as they fly over. Feel the breeze coming from the ocean. Make it seem as real and vivid as you can.
Build a bonfire. Now light your bonfire in the fire pit. See the reddish orange glow illuminating the lifeguard stand nearby, feel the heat on your legs and body as the fire builds. Hear the crackling and popping. Smell the smoke. Feed that fire now - images of you and your friend when you were together, snapshots in your mind of all the places you went, all the things you did as lovers. Add artifacts (gifts you gave, or were given) mentally, see these things go up in smoke, burning away. Watch as the photos you mentally lay on that fire burn up. Put gifts on the fire, let them burn. Favorite articles of clothing. Smells you associate with your friend.
Let it burn. Let it out. Cry if you feel like it. Let your tears flow as you watch these things burn away. It is key that you 'burn' only memories that have romantic attachments - not the things you do together as friends. You want to feel the love and affection of friendship when you're through, but you want to rid yourself of the unwanted romantic attachments and associations.

Allow the fire to be as big as your love - let it be huge. After all, this is a mental exercise, you are not going to physically burn things (unless you really want to - and if that IS what you wish to do, definitely do it in a firepit or other safe place).
Repeat as often as necessary until you feel "Burned Out." That's right. If you need a week, that's fine. If you need a month of nightly 'bonfires,' fine. Or a year. You take the time you need to repeat this process until you no longer feel a need to do it. 'Burned out' is a great way to look at it. Some may consider this an obsessive approach. However, this author, while not a mental health expert, believes that allowing yourself to feel your emotions obsessively, if necessary, to the extent described here can be healthy. It allows you to give yourself permission to process your feelings, really feel them without repressing or suppressing them, and to symbolically purge yourself of them eventually, while still allowing you to go about your everyday life.
When you're done, let the fire die. As you realize you no longer feel a 'burning' compulsion to talk about it, dwell on it, or continue your meditations on your feelings, you will know it's time to let it go. Picture the fire getting smaller - you have run out of fuel to feed it. Allow yourself to continue watching as the fire dwindles and becomes small. It may be helpful for you to now think of the beach beginning to be lit by the coming dawn - imagine a pinkish tinge in the sky, and encourage yourself to feel the hope of a new day being born. As the sun rises above the sea's horizon, see the fire going out, and all the embers turning to white ash.
Send the ashes to heaven. See yourself reaching into the pit and retrieving some ashes. This is the last time you're going to allow yourself to dwell on this - you want your friend back now. Not as a lover. As your friend. So it's time to let it all go. Take the ashes in your hands, and walk to the surf. Feel the waves lapping at your ankles, the cool of the water against your skin. Imagine the wind gently blowing at your back. Hold your hands out. They contain the ashes - this represents What You Leave Behind. Open your hands, and let the ashes begin to be blown. Lean forward and blow them into the wind, into the surf, let them fly to heaven. Let your tears flow - this is the end of this chapter in your life. To give it a more final feel, wipe your tears away, sense the ashes mingling in your tears. Then reach down into the clean water of the ocean, and wash them. Splash some water into your face, feel the coolness, the feeling of being cleansed, taste the salt, smell the tang of the salt. Stand up, hold your head up. Think about your friend, and how you love him or her. Do not allow yourself to dwell on any painful feelings of attachment, only your friendly affection.
Walk out of the surf, turn your back on your firepit, and walk away down the beach. This is the final, deliberate mental image you want - you have had your time to grieve. You've indulged your anger, sense of loss, and need to obsess by picturing every detail, every memory of that romance you ever had cross your mind burning away in that cleansing fire. Now you see yourself leaving it behind as you walk into the dawn of a new day. Picture your heart, no longer raw, no longer bleeding from a huge wound. Think of it with a little white spot - a scar, you were hurt, but now it's healing. Let yourself feel clean and ready to move ahead. If you need a little time to acclimate to this new feeling before contacting your friend again, take whatever time you need.
From this point on, do not engage in destructive memories. When you feel tempted to remember the failed romance, replace that memory with a good memory of your friend. Remember a time you laughed together, or s/he came to your mom's birthday party, or you told him or her a big secret about some other crush you had. Allow yourself only constructive thoughts about that relationship - do NOT revisit the romance again. You're done.
Call or write your friend. Tell him or her you're ready to resume your friendship. Meet someplace neutral, and keep it short for the time being. Have coffee or pie - maybe lunch, so it isn't open-ended. Keep the first few visits brief so you have time to re-establish 'normal' with your friend.

Tips:

It's going to feel a little awkward when you first come together again. That's to be expected. Give it time.
Plan semi-regular outings so you can get used to being friends again.
It may be so awkward or stiff at first that your friend's guilt may prompt him/her to try to opt out of the friendship. This can take the form of you being the one to call all the time, him/her not returning calls, etc. If this happens, just wait a week or two, and call again, leaving a nice, amiable message if they don't answer. Don't pressure or push, just let them know you miss them and want to get together soon.
If the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife, acknowledge it. "This is going to be tough, but I'm not letting you go. You've been a good friend to me. You will be again, I know it. I'm still your friend, and I'm here for you. Let's just not give up."
Any self-recrimination your friend does should be met with calm reassurances by you. "I feel so bad, I know you got hurt.." You say, "It's okay. I'm flattered you had enough feelings for me to even try that type of relationship with me - we didn't make it, but it's enough for me if we can just be friends."
Any talk of "Sorry about the way it ended, we should never have done that," etc., must be dismissed immediately, and both of you should accept responsibility (not allow just one of you to take the blame). Say, "Done is done. We both knew that was a risk, we both took the risk. It didn't work out for us that way, but we're still friends. Let's just acknowledge that and move on."
If you and your ex-lover realize you're both having the same romantic feelings again, really think it through and about what's going to happen before you jump into anything a second time. If you try again and it doesn't work out, there may be no way to recover the friendship again.
Don't rule out the "ebb and flow" of life. Many friendships are closer for a while, then drift away for awhile over your lifetime. If this is "ebb time" don't force it. Just let it drift and send a Christmas card. It may be that the friendship is un-salvageable, and if that turns out the be the case, it's okay to let it go. You tried.

Warnings:

Do not entertain the notion of being "friends with benefits." If you were in love, and your friend wasn't, this will only end in tears, and you will lose your friend.
Do not get possessive or aggressive when re-establishing your friendship. This is going to take patience for both of you, and if you rush it, you'll blow it. If your friend seems to be 'ditching' you at times, let him/her. Just as you needed time and space, your friend may need some breathing room, too. Just leave a nice message, like, "Hey it's me. Hadn't heard back from you, so I'm guessing you're busy. No worries - give me a call when you have a minute and we'll chat. Maybe have lunch, whatever. Talk to you soon."

Things to do:

Time
Patience
A good imagination
Willingness to relive painful memories
Willingness to let go of painful memories
Pie or coffee money
A good friend
Persistence

"How to Gain Control of Your Emotions"- Chrome

2009-04-23T10:27:00.002+08:00

Wonder why your emotions control you, instead of the other way around? Emotions are reflections of individual needs. With some work, you can get your life back in order.

Steps:

Change the cause of emotion. Fix the thoughts, fix the emotions. Circumstances do not cause emotions – rather, your thoughts and attitudes about those circumstances do.

Realize that thought is not the same as logic. Logic is a system for reasoning, and reasoning is what you do with your thoughts. You may be brilliant at handling your thoughts, but what thoughts are you handling? Even if your thoughts are accurate, processing a dozen facts about a situation may well lead to error if you are unaware that an additional 99 facts are relevant.

Recognize that you have the right to have whatever feelings—and any emotion—you want to have. But you also have the right (and responsibility) to select and use thoughts that benefit and enrich your life, and those around you.

Re-think your attitudes about your circumstances.Change your thoughts and you will significantly change your feelings and emotions (at least enough to positively affect your daily life).

Increase your awareness of and look out for moments when you feel an irrational thought or attitude coming on. Recognize and identify that emotion, then ask yourself, “Where’s the proof in that?" or “What evidence do I have that validates this feeling?" Then use all of the knowledge, tools, and evidence at your disposal, and your best judgment to behave appropriately – to do otherwise cheats you.

Choose the right time and the right place to express your emotion. Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when you deem it appropriate, not randomly and uncontrollably.

Cultivate mindfulness.

Stay Calm.

Tips:

Learn to recognize and anticipate "triggers" that set you off on an irrational thought path. Often simple awareness of these triggers gives us enough time to avoid or handle them.
Watch for "all or nothing" thinking. Most of life is a gradient or gray scale, rather than a set of absolutes or extremes. Many situations and events may seem as if they are black/white, good/bad, yes/no; but reacting as if they are can easily lead to irrational and unhelpful attitudes, emotions, and behaviors.

Sometimes it's hard to "do it yourself." If all fails, seek guidance from a supportive psychologist or therapist.

Some experiences like watching a film, hearing a sound or tasting a food (sensory input) can trigger or bring about good emotions. The more good ones you can recognize, pay attention to and be aware of, the easier it is to put your self in that kind of a recognizable mood. It's far easier to get out of an angry or sad state of mind when you can know what happy or joyful state of mind is like.

Warnings:

It is important to control your emotions, but suppressing them is something different entirely. Suppressing your emotions can cause psychological disorders, depression, and it is not a good way to develop your subconscious.

"How to Get Over Your First Love" - chrome

2009-04-23T10:21:00.002+08:00

Perhaps nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love. It's not just any old break-up; this is the boy/girl who taught you what it means to fall in love. You thought you'd spend the rest of your lives together. You have loads of jokes and memories of the time you spent together. Now that it's over, you're scared that you'll never find anyone to ever replace them. Here are some tips to help you get over it.

Steps:

Your Ex

-How do you deal with a broken heart?Cut off all communication with your ex. Harsh, but it's the only thing that works. You probably feel like you're losing the best friend you ever had, the only person who truly understood you. It might hurt at first, but it will get better. You cannot be friends while you attempt to get over each other.

-Do not hook up with your ex. You will start right back at square one, and all the work you did trying to get over them will be wasted.

Recall why you broke up, what you hated about him/her, and what you could never agree on. You may tend to remember only what you love about your ex, and your happiest memories together. If they cheated on you, stop justifying it, and realize you can find someone who loves you and would never be unfaithful.

Realize that just because this relationship is over, it doesn't mean that you'll never find love again. Ask your friends, your parents, or your great-aunt Susan how they got over their first loves. Many people will remember how hard it was to get over them but will also admit that they found greater loves in their lifetime.

Friends and Family

Friends are incredibly important.Don't try to get through this alone. Your friends are very important. They will help you survive by listening to you and offering advice. If you forgot about them while you were with your boy/girlfriend, ask if you can be forgiven. If they really were true friends they will forgive you and want to help you get over it. Try to avoid friends who are very close with your ex, as they are bound to talk about him/her and bring you down inadvertently.

Talk to and see your friends and family more. It's good to listen to others and what they have to say, but if you can talk more, you'll find yourself truly getting your mind off of him/her for the time being. If you make your world bigger, then s/he will become less important.
Be open and honest about how you are feeling. Don't pretend, for yourself or others, that you are okay if you're not. Also realize that you are allowed to be okay. You do not have to feel sad all the time, or at all. Talk to people instead of just holding it in and being moody. Other people can support you if they actually know what is going on.

Remember there are other people that care. Even if it doesn't always feel that way, there are. There are people around you who understand, and will help.
Do not ask your friends if they have seen your ex. Do not ask how s/he is; you do not want to know.

You
Cry. It's okay to cry. Just let it all out. You will feel much better after you do.
Use your breakup as an opportunity to become the person you have always wanted to be. Take on a daunting goal such as learning a new language, instrument, or skill. There has never been a better time to set these goals in motion, and now you have a lot more time to do it!
Fill up your MP3 player with the saddest love songs you can think of. Sad songs work wonders because you realize there are actually people out there more miserable than you. Or you may also want to try happy songs instead. Try some songs that were written to remind you that you're not the only one not having any fun and that you need to work to be happy again. Music can help heal you; just give it time.

Do anything you can to make yourself feel desirable. Get a haircut or add highlights. Go to the gym. Buy a new outfit. Dress up and dance in front of your mirror to club music. Remember all the times s/he told you that you are the most beautiful person in the universe, convince yourself that it is indeed true, and that someone else will appreciate you the way s/he once did.
Endure the pain and loneliness bravely. With time, the pain will heal. Are you a strong person who can get through this or a weak one that will wither from one failed relationship? Don't succumb to weakness. Retain your pride and hold your head up. There's nothing better than that.

Always remember that you're better off without him/her because someone who you thought loved you that leaves isn't worth your tears or pain... "Never cry for someone that will never cry for you."

Tips

Don't be so naive as to believe that you will never love anyone as much as your first love. Most first loves and heartbreaks occur during teen years or early 20s. You still have most of your life ahead of you to find the love of your life.

With maturity, your capacity to love another human being grows. Be grateful for the experience of your first love.

Remember that getting your heart broken for the first time is a fact of life.

Recognize that you have the power of choice in your life.

Don't try getting back with your ex. You broke up for a reason, even if you can't really understand that reason.

If it has been a very long time since the breakup and it's either not going away or getting worse and worse, you should probably seek help.

If you feel suicidal, seek help. Nothing in your life should push you to that point.
Don't tell him/her that you still love them. You might love them for a while longer, but remember that love is not enough and that your relationship ended for a reason. If you need to, write down the reasons.

Avoid statements like "I'll never get over him/her." It might seem that way, but it is short-sighted and, in the long run, not true.

Don't pretend like you are still together or think of yourselves as a couple. If people refer to him/her as your boy/girlfriend, then correct them. Even if you know that you're no longer together, saying it aloud will get the message across to yourself more strongly and help you to move on more readily.

If you know their passwords to their email/Myspace/Facebook/etc., resist the temptation to go into their accounts. It will make the pain worse. If they have your passwords, change them immediately. Also, delete them as "friends" on facebook. They will not be notified and you will not be tempted to stay invloved in their life. It is time to forget them as best you can. Also, you do not want to be notified everytime they do an update. At a minimum, change your settings so you are not notified everytime they update something. Sitting there looking at their recent happy pic with their new GF or BF is not going to be fun. Do not put yourself through that.

Whenever you find yourself dwelling on what you're going through, pick up a book and read yourself out of it. Sometimes distancing yourself from the world by visiting another will help ease your emotions and make it easier to get used to spending time by yourself.

No relationship is ever a mistake if you can get something out of it, such as learning something new about yourself. You might learn that you are indeed a very stubborn person that this might be the opportunity to change yourself for the better and to become a more open minded person. You might also learn that you are a very jealous lover, in which case you can take steps to becoming a less jeolous bf/gf.

Cry, and Cry and Cry as much as you can because it will help you emotions. After this you will feel a lot better. Make sure you call your best friends and have happy conversations after.
Try writing what you're feeling. When you have bad thoughts and feelings repeating in your head, writing it down can provide relief.

Warnings:

Don't drink alcohol or get addicted to drugs to help get rid of your problems. It won't help in the long run, and it might end up making things worse. Also, focus on your health!!!.. Eat a cleaner diet and exercise more. You will look better, feel better, and feel better about yourself. Excercise is a great cure for depression.

Even if you feel like you hate them, don't bad-mouth them, it will just make you feel worse when your guilt kicks in, which it probably will shortly, perhaps even immediately after you say it. Also, bad-mouthing them is petty and is a poor reflection on YOU. Remember, there are 3 sides to every breakup: Your side, Their side, and the truth. Sometimes it is good to vent about them. Recognize the difference, and when you are venting, make sure it is with closer friends and it is done in private.

If you're still dwelling on it six months later, friends might start snapping at you to just get over it. Realize that everyone has their breaking point and that the subject can get tiresome. Your friends still love you, but don't impose on them. If you really need to talk about your ex, ask them if they are willing to listen. If you can't respect their boundaries, you will begin to lose friends.

Remember that you are not the only one in the world who has had their heart broken. Being aware of that, mope away, but try not to let it consume your entire day. This kind of thing makes you seem pathetic and won't let you move on.

Don't keep running back. Although it seems like it will make things better, it's only temporary. If you keep running back, it just makes it that much worse in the end.

No Stalking!!. Don't resort to tracking your ex's every movement. Having mutual friends tell you everything they're doing, how great they are, who they're dating, and how they don't talk about you will only make you feel worse. You don't need to know. You simply need to let it be. Remember - they will figure out what you're trying to do, and you will look like the crazy one who's still not over it. Don't give them that satisfaction when you will be fine without it. This extends to using the Internet to track down your ex's activities.

Don't stop doing things/watching things/listening to things etc. just because it will remind you of your ex. Such is life. You will only be limiting your life even more, and doing yourself damage.
If you are feeling suicidal, remember that you are not alone. Seek help.

It is very, very, very hard, but you need to get to the point where this person never existed. Everyone has gone through this. You are not alone. Your friends love you, your family loves you. For their sake as well as your own, you need to work at getting over your love.

"How to Build Character Through Integrity"- Chrome

2009-04-22T21:46:00.005+08:00

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man (William Shakespeare, 1599-1601).
The wonderful thing about character and integrity, which are intimately related, is that they're one of the few things in life that no one will ever be able to forcefully take away from you. Your choices are your own. Even if someone can take your life, they can't force you to make a choice that you believe is wrong
The actions below cannot be done at once, nor should they be. Each of them takes time to fully understand and apply towards your life. Learn about your own virtues and values, and how they correspond to your life and the world around you. Follow the steps below to improve yourself by building your character

Steps:

Understand what Character and Integrity are. The definitions of these words are often stretched or misrepresented. Learn what they truly mean:
-In this use, Character is the sum of qualities that distinguish a person or group, moral or ethical strength, and the description of a person's attributes, traits and abilities. Character is who you are. It defines you and guides your actions, hopefully in a positive way.
-Integrity is steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code, being unimpaired, sound, whole and undivided; completeness.
-Integrity can be summed up simply as doing the right thing for the right reason even when no one is watching.
Choose a set of rules, morals, or principles that you believe will lead to a happy, satisfying, and righteous life, as well as a better world. You can subscribe to the ethics of a particular religion, or you can develop your own, based on your experiences.
Look at the choices you've made in your past, and observe how much you have or haven't lived by those principles. Don't waste time feeling regretful or guilty. Remember that "...until a person can say deeply and honestly, I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, that person cannot say, I choose otherwise." -Stephen R. Covey.
Decide what you must change in your behavior to align your life more closely to what you believe.
Be conscious every day of the decisions you make, however big or small, and how close they bring you to being the person you really want to be.

Tips:

- Keep a journal, and record your progress every day.
- You'll probably feel your self-confidence and personal strength growing as you face and overcome challenges in sticking to your values, whatever they may be.
- Consult the life and work of Victor Frankl, best summarized by this quotation:
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose one's own way."

Warnings:

Beware of people who'll try and convince you to give up on your character or integrity, saying that nobody's perfect, and taunting you for being such an idealist. The fact that nobody's perfect doesn't mean violating what you believe is right. It's good to learn from our mistakes, but we don't always need to make mistakes in order to learn. Remember that striving to be perfect and being perfect are two different ideas; one is the pursuit of integrity, and the latter is an exercise in futility.
Your character is unique. It may not match with any body else. So do not try for it. Build it on the basis of your own aptitude and inner light within you. Self assessment, self evaluation, introspection etc work well, but never get disheartened by petty failures and criticism revolving around failures. Stand firm on your convictions. You are bound to succeed.

"How to end a fight with a friend"-Chrome

2009-04-22T17:52:00.004+08:00

Sometimes we have a fight with a friend. Many times, you find that you even forgot what the fight was about. You just seemed to argue, and then stop talking to each other. Time goes by and you realize that you miss the friendship, and wished you could talk to your friend again. It is possible, and they probably feel the same way as you do. Someone has to take the initiative, and it might as well be you!

Steps:

Let the argument simmer for a while, by leaving it alone, and avoiding communication. If you talk right after the fight, many things are said out of anger. However, do not wait too long as allowing bad feelings to brew for too long creates a situation that becomes more difficult to make up. So after the fight calms down, make sure you talk to the person before its too late.
Take time to reconsider if this person is really a friend if you're constantly in fights and always making up first.
Reflect on what you may have done. Read past emails, chats ect. This will help you understand thier point of view.
Give in and apologize. The other person probably wants to do it too, but it shows that you're a courageous and dedicated friend.

Tips:

True friends are hard to find and keep. Remember this. You will meet many friends in life, but only perhaps one will be true and sincere.

Warnings:

When the disagreement was too hurtful, if your words or actions were too damaging, a friend might just not want to make up with you.
If you had been disloyal, and did not reveal your true desire to continue a friendship, then think it over, and never say or do these things again.
Avoid accusing the friend, if you accuse them it gives them more reason to fight back.
True friends are hard to find and keep. Remember this. You will meet many friends in life, but only perhaps one will be true and sincere.

" How to get over a break-up"-Chrome

2009-04-22T17:41:00.005+08:00

Heartbreak: If you're living life fully, you're going to experience it. Sometimes you leave, sometimes you're left, but if you were truly in love, the loss of it brings heartache, no matter who did the leaving. If you're looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions to make it as fluid as it can be (and how it can even be rewarding)...

Steps:

The first thing that you need to know is, its always okay to cry.

Examine what happened, and ask yourself why. Don't assume that it's all about you. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not entirely your fault - or maybe it's not your fault at all.

Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.

Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, bear in mind that thinking about all the good times you had may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of a relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could live with them. Or that maybe if your ex could know just how you feel, s/he wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.

Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break completely away from each other immediately after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most definitely no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If s/he tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. The longer you put off the end, the harder it is to stick to it and maintain your resolve, and the longer it will take to really get over it. Your pain will hold on as long as you do. Practice letting go. Let go. Let go. And now... let go. [You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.]

Accept your pain. Have good long cries. It's okay to be hurt and sad, and it's okay to be alone. It's okay to feel like you have messed up - accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.

Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.

Deal with the 'hate phase'. This is where you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy.

Talk to your friends. You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel better about yourself again too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. Be wary of friends trying to connect you with another person, this is not what you need right now.

Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.

Make a list to keep you honest. One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear -- this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. ["1. She always put me down in front of her parents and I felt humiliated. 2. I don't want to go to parties with him because he's always hitting on my friends -- it makes me feel physically sick! 3. When I ask her to help with the housework, she says she's exhausted from sitting at her desk all day, even though I've been driving that cab all day and I end up doing all the cleaning by myself!"] And so on. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Do I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"

Get organized! Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.

Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex - a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving process has had some time to process, don't allow yourself to dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little heart-shaped box sitting on the mantel was pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space.

Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

Stay active. It's scientifically proven that exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.

Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.

Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that, even worse than the pain of a breakup, is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.

Think positively. Now that you are single, you have another opportunity to find someone else to be with, someone new and different. You won't feel bad forever. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Soon enough you'll be feeling released and free, and ready to take on new challenges. Make sure that in every endeavour you remember to be true to yourself.

Tips:

Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. When you feel that you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with "what-ifs". Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well.

Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another, do just that: stop.

Sometimes it helps to listen to music that matches your feelings because you have stored up grief that needs a trigger to help you release it. But beware of wallowing. After a certain point, you're not helping yourself by going through it all again and again with the sad songs. Stephen Sondheim reminds us in his song "Into the Woods": "Into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark!" You can think of the grieving part of your process as "the woods": you may have to "go there", but you definitely shouldn't live there.

Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and most of all, "This too shall pass". When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding real happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include other romantic relationships or an eventual long-term union. Whatever happens is okay, no matter what you choose to do in life.

As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together will creep in, distracting you from the work of healing. Such fantasizing gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being.

Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Would you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Would you be hurt, angry, distrustful when he is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who he is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it did happen, you might find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

Freedom from fear is what you get when you end a relationship with a cheater. Sometimes the most liberating phase of a post-betrayal breakup is the sudden realization that you are no longer sitting at home waiting for a phone call, spending the evening obsessively searching for evidence of an affair, or just imagining what might be going on behind your back - you're done with all that! The one deserving person you need to take care of now is yourself, and it is so much easier to relax and just love yourself when you're not in constant fear. Count this as a gigantic blessing!

Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.

Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.

This one can't be repeated enough: It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on and if your brain is circling endlessly, obsessing on the details of your pain, learning something new will interrupt the repetitive cycle. Those dusty,rusty old gears need some fresh air and polish!

If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them, at least for a while. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.

Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.

Every day, find something that will make you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You are free to be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and when you wake up, SMILE! (Carole King's wonderful anthem "Beautiful" has the lines, "You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people gonna treat you better, you're gonna find -- yes you will -- that you're beautiful... as you feel." Sometimes it helps to play that song for yourself first thing every morning!)

Warnings:

Do not contact other people who have been interested in you to make yourself feel better or get involved with someone else (emotionally or sexually) right away. For one thing, it isn't fair to them, as they may become the victim of your rebound. But most importantly, it isn't fair to you. You need to grieve, and you need to heal. Allow yourself adequate time to process before starting a new relationship.

Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions of loss adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.

If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.

If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't stoop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel and complicates your emotions -- your basic hurt and sadness is enough without adding confusion, guilt and other anxieties. You will get over it, you will feel better,and you will feel happier than you ever imagined the day you realize you're really starting to be over it -- the simpler your path from A to B, the easier and quicker it will be.
Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life since the breakup - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.

Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
Please remember too that if it didn't work the first time and the second or third time with this person, you have already promised yourself that "this time it will work out" and "if only I had another chance". You did, and it didn't, and you do not need any more proof because deep down, you already know that it doesn't work between the two of you. that it's not going to work. For the sake of your heart and your health (emotional and physical), let go and move on.

Things to do:

You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:

A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) That is, unless, your ex is named Ted. Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)

Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy eyes and swollen, tear-stained faces.

Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)

Healthy snacks! If you're one of the millions who try to fill that hollow sad feeling through your mouth (which doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you're nibbling nervously. (On the other hand, don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about your health, as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on. If you've lost your appetite, make sure you have the fridge stocked with relatively healthy food that you like, and make sure you eat enough to keep your energy up.)

Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".

Lots of tissues.

Self-love. Even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Find things you like about yourself. If you're having trouble telling yourself good things, go out and commit a covert act of kindness towards a friend or stranger and savor the feeling of having such a sweet secret. And remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.

Friends and family can be a great support system - you may find that the people you're closest to will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. Go out to play with them, even if you don't feel like it - you won't regret it. However, sometimes this isn't the case. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere. Make meeting supportive new people who share your interests part of your new challenge!
The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and that one day you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise. :)

something to get your mind off of that certain guy or girl. try fun activities such as just hanging out with good friends or going shopping! you would be suprised at how much better you feel once you take your mind off of things and just have fun!

How to Avoid Spiked Drinks - Chrome

2009-04-21T22:12:00.004+08:00

There are many stories about drinks having been spiked with foreign substances and some of them unfortunately are true.The act of spiking a drink is done with the aim of causing the target to become disoriented, unconscious, or to lower the targets inhibitions. The purpose of this may be as a precursor to sexual assault, robbery, or even in some cases it may be an attempt to sabotage sports players before a game. Some of the drugs placed in drinks to create drowsiness or even unconsciousness include Rohypnol (Roofie) which is a sedative, GHB (Liquid X) a neuroprotective therapeutic drug which can cause unconsciousness, and Ketamine (Special K) an anesthetic used on animals. If you have any concerns because you are alone or you don't feel that the situation is quite right, it pays to keep alert and limit your drinking. The following are some suggestions to help you to identify and avoid drinks that have been tampered with when consuming beverages at a social event or bar.

Steps:

Stay with the drink service. If you are offered a drink by somebody you have only just met or barely know, stay at the bar as the drink is ordered and served. You will be able to see the bartender make it and hand it across the bar. Or, request that drinks be brought to the table by staff.
Prefer unopened bottled drinks or cans over glass drinks. If you are not with people you can trust, have your drink from a bottle and watch the top being removed by the bartender.
Hold your drink on the top. If you get a glass drink, hold it in such a way that your hand covers the top of the glass. Holding it with your palm over the top instead of against the side of the drink will make it harder for anyone to slip anything in without you noticing.
Always keep an eye on your drink. Do not leave your drink unattended for any time. Give it to a friend to guard or finish it off before racing off to dance or visit the bathroom. If you have to leave it and you return uncertain as to its safety, leave it and get a new one.
Accept drinks only from people you trust. If you cannot keep an eye on the serving of your drink, or you have any misgivings about the person offering you a drink, it is best to politely decline. If you are having drinks with friends, you will usually be fine; and ask them to keep an eye on you if you do go off with anyone unknown during the night so that if anything untoward does happen, someone else will be onto it straight away.
Avoid sharing other people's drinks. This could be a ruse to lull you into a false sense of security. Never grab a drink or steal one off someone you don't know; you never know what is in their drinks and just because they can handle it doesn't mean you can.
Look for obvious signs of tampering. Things such as your drink being moved from where you left it, the straw having been taken out or one put in, less or more liquid than you remember etc.
Cease drinking anything that tastes funny. When you drink something that tastes off or unusual, stop right there and have no more. Immediately presume that the situation has become unsafe and either leave as soon as possible, or grab a friend to stay with or, better yet, leave together

Tips:

Space your alcoholic drinks with drinks of water. This helps you to remain more alert, so you are less likely to become disoriented. Also, if anybody places a foreign substance in your water, it will be more likely that you will taste it immediately. (Again, though, many of the chemicals commonly used are tasteless and colorless!)
Be aware that drinks can be spiked with alcohol, e.g. vodka, to get you drunk more quickly than you expect.
Remember anyone can be a victim of a spiked drink. Just because you're male, or a teen, or older etc doesn't make you immune.
Know that women can and do spike drinks as well.
Watch for symptoms of being drugged: these include feeling drowsy, feeling ill, starting to feel that you are losing control, your limbs feel like they cannot move, dizziness and queasiness, and beginning to lose consciousness. These symptoms will come on far faster then drunkenness, so it is important to know how your body reacts to alcohol so you can tell the difference.Seek help immediately from friends or bar staff; or phone family and friends if you can't get immediate help where you are.
If you see your friend displaying signs of being more inebriated than should be possible with the amount of alcohol they have consumed, act quickly to pull your friend out of the situation. Unfortunately, due to the fact that date rape drugs often have similar symptoms to simple drunkenness, it can be hard to tell the difference, making them even more dangerous.
Date rape drugs are for the most part colourless and odourless or may be masked by the beverage in which they are placed.

Warnings:

Be aware that any drink can be spiked, including juice, water, tea, coffee, soda and milk.In addition, cigarettes can be spiked; So DON'T SMOKE.
It is never a good idea to leave a bar with someone you do not know – if, however, you feel that it is absolutely necessary to do so, be sure to inform friends who you are leaving with and where you are going.
Remember to always drink responsibly; a study in the UK found that only 2 percent of a pool of 1,014 rape victims had their drinks spiked with sedatives. It is far more common in a bar situation for someone to take advantage of the fact that you are simply inebriated. Remember that alcohol is also a sedative with amnesiac effects.
One study conducted again in the UK on 75 patients, mostly female, who told doctors or police that their drinks had been tampered with, suggested that in fact the patients had been rendered helpless by binge drinking.
Don't get too paranoid reading this article. While the above tips and warnings are good advice to follow, you don't have to spend every evening you go to a bar in fear and terror. If you are worried about being drugged and/or raped all the time and it is impacting your life, you may have a fear or anxiety disorder, which can be treated.

Things you need:

Reliable friends
Mobile phone/cell phone
Escape plan
Keen eye for details
A plan to not get drunk with strangers

"How to Prevent a Potential Rape"- Chrome

2009-04-21T22:01:00.002+08:00

While you never know if you will be a rape victim, there are ways to protect yourself against being attacked. By following these tips, you'll make the world a little safer for yourself. Take a self-defense class. You will get all the information you need and skills to protect yourself.

Steps:

Stay aware. Do not jog with your iPod because attackers are looking for easy, distracted prey. The same can be said for talking on your cell phone. On the other hand, if you feel someone is following you, it can help to pull out your cell phone and pretend to be talking to someone because your "conversation partner" would be aware of an attack. If your potential attacker is going for "no witnesses", they might back off and change their mind. You can even pretend that you are meeting up with someone and they are already here/heading this way VERY soon. Don't say "5 minutes" or the attacker may only decide to take action quicker. If they think you are in safe hands or will be in less than a minute, they might back off.
Learn to trust your gut instincts. It could save you from being raped or worse. If you feel uneasy or unsure in anyway, it is in your best interest to get away and get help. Use common sense.
Understand that your hairstyle could benefit an attacker. Ponytails are the number one style that rapists look for because they are easy to grab and you can be held with them.
Carry defensive items only if you know how to use them. Anything that could hurt a potential attacker can also be used against you if you are not well trained and comfortable with the item. If you are going to carry a handgun, make sure to take classes in its use, practice often at a firing range, and apply for a concealed weapons permit; if you carry a knife, take a course in the most effective way to use it. Remember that even an umbrella or purse can be used as a weapon against an attacker, and has less chance of being turned against you.
Yell, shout and draw attention to yourself. Attackers usually have an idea of how the attack will happen. Disrupt that idea. Fight like hell and yell loudly and strongly; There is a common belief it is better to call "fire" than help - however many believe this is misguided, if not plain wrong. The 'fire idea" is based on the belief that people don't want to get involved in assisting therefore you should trick them into believing there is a fire. This could be unwise. Numerous bystander studies (e.g. Latane and Darley) show the reason bystanders do not help is a simple one; confusion. Bystanders are unsure of what is going on; do the attacker and victim know each other? etc. This would suggest it is better to "tell it like it is" and yell "POLICE!" or "HELP!" This - especially "POLICE"- is more likely to scare the attacker and alert bystanders to the truth of the situation - not confuse them further by yelling "Fire" when there clearly isn't one. Studies have also suggested this effective strategy: pointing at an individual bystander and saying "you sir, in the white shirt, I need your help now! - This man is attacking me..." Tell it like it is, and point to an individual.
Take a basic self defense course, such as Rape Aggression Defense (RAD). Contact your local police office for programs such as RAD.
Stay careful at parties and bars. Don't drink anything that somebody gives you--always open and order your own drinks. Never, ever leave a drink unattended for even a moment. Keep your hand over the top of your drink. Do not accept a drink from a date unless the bartender or waitstaff have delivered it straight to you. Don't want to be rude? Take it to the restroom with you and dump it. DO NOT leave yourself or friends alone and drunk with someone you have a very bad feeling about. Tell other people where you are going. Be aware of public bathrooms in clubs and bars. Women have been attacked in the ladies room if it is deserted.
Think and practice being careful at dance clubs or other places with loud music. Sometimes it is so loud that nobody will be able to hear you cry for help.
Work on being assertive. If somebody is giving you unwanted attention, tell them to back off. There is no need to be polite when somebody is making unwanted sexual advances.
Plan that if a rapist is in your car and is sitting in the passenger seat with a weapon to you, they will tell you to go somewhere where it is more convenient and they is less likely to be witnessed. Whatever you do, don't drive off. Drive into something that will cause your car to crash. The airbag will save you. It is better to be in a car accident than get raped and possibly killed. However don't show your rapist that is your plan. Stay as calm as you can inside and look for other cars, bridges, brick walls, etc.
Understand that Vans are the #1 vehicles used in rapes. Rapists will park next to the driver's side and, as you are trying to get in, they will pull you into the van. If there is a van on the driver's side of your car, go in through the passenger's door. If there are vans on both sides, go back to where you were and get someone like a security guard to walk you to your car. Don't park any place that feels unsafe.
Practice being careful when going into your house or car because someone could easily push you in and lock the door behind you. Be aware of your surroundings; carry your keys ready in your hand and look around you before opening the door.
Keep personal information private. Don't advertise your info verbally or on the Internet. Also, be very wary of meeting up with people that you meet on the Internet. If you must do so, bring a friend or friends.
Understand vulnerability factors: According to the CDC vulnerabilities include prior sexual abuse as a minor, being female (gender), being under the age of 18, and alcohol or drug use.

Walk with confidence. Look up as you walk and stand up straight; pretending as though you have two big panthers on either side of you as you walk may sound silly, but it can help boost confidence. Attackers are more likely to go for those who they think cannot defend themselves.
Notice and leave identifying marks. A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it. If you are in a place where you can't run, notice your surroundings and leave a mark on them if you can. Rapists have been caught because their victims left identifiable teeth marks, nail marks, or DNA in the cars or rooms where they were assaulted.
Bring A DOG, if going to the park alone, beach, etc. If you have a dog with you, it's like having another person with you. Large dogs are intimidating to predators, even if your pet isn't exactly brave. If you don't have a large dog, bring the small one anyway. Chances are when your little pup sees you in trouble, he'll be more than happy to protest. Predators won't usually attack a person with a dog large or small because dogs usually make such a racket you're bound to draw attention, which is a no-no for predators. Who knows, your weenie dog may just surprise your attacker when he takes some ankle.
Mentally Prepare if you are taken by a rapist. You must do everything in your power to escape even if it means hurting yourself.. Sometimes the rapist will kill his/her victims to prevent himself/herself from being caught or identified. If the rapist comes in your home, throw heavy items through windows and at them. Make as much noise as you can. Do not get in the car or van with them if you can help it. Jump out of a moving car or crash the car if you are driving. Look for every opportunity to hurt them and escape. Take your extreme fear and turn it into fighting anger at your attacker. Do not be passive unless you feel you have to because a weapon is on you. Never give up without fighting a battle.

Tips:

A rapist is not interested in SEX. The person is interested in taking control, humilating and gaining power over his victim by being violent and aggressive. Rape is not an act of LOVE.
When at home-play it safe by never letting people into your home that you do not know. If it is a handyman,cable repair,etc tell them you need to see a PHOTO ID and their truck. If you don't TRUST them instantly, than do not let them in. If they do not look you in the eyes, have a PHOTO ID, drive a truck with the company name on it, or wear a uniform-that is suspicious behavior, do not let them in your home! Ask them to call the company while they wait outside then have the company call you or call the company yourself.
Being the victim of child sexual abuse actually doubles the likelihood of adult sexual victimization because of increased levels of PTSD (Parillo et. al., 2003), (Sarkar, N.; Sarkar, R., 2005). Ways to seek help to avoid this are listed below.
Remember that attackers usually want easy prey, so don't cooperate! If you are sexually assaulted, yell things which make it clear everyone that the attacker's actions are unwelcome.
Intervention such as counseling for mental health issues (like PTSD) and for possible addictions related to the abuse can help people with child sexual abuse histories overcome some of the abuse-related sequel that make them vulnerable to adult re-victimization
Other factors influencing recovery are emotional support from friends, relations, social and community supports
Studies find that victims of multiple assaults have higher levels of PTSD than victims of only one assault. So if someone was assaulted twice in childhood and adolescence they would be at an increased risk of adult assault.
One study found that of the 433 sexually assaulted respondents, two-thirds reported more than one incident
Rape can and does strike anyone at anytime. Age, social class, ethnic group and has no bearing on the person a rapist chooses to attack. Research data clearly proves that a way a person dresses and/or acts does not influence the rapist's choice of victims. His/her decision to rape is based on how easily he perceives his target can be intimidated. Rapists are looking for available and vulnerable targets. Statistics were obtained from various sources including the study Rape in America, 1992, National Victim Center, The Federal Bureau of Investigations and the National Crime Survey.
Your natural instinct can save your life. Pay attention to it. It is like radar and can prevent serious problems. A common reporting of women that are about to see their rapist is a quiet voice inside telling them something is very wrong. Listen and respect that voice. If there is a hint of danger about the person or surroundings, do not ignore it.
Rapists do not necessarily look like criminals or "evil". The person could look very normal, well groomed, athletic pleasant, young, etc. They might not look evil or like a bad guy. They could be your boss, a teacher, a neighbor, boyfriend or girlfriend, or relative.

Warnings:

Keep gas in your car. Be practical and do not take any chances. If you know you are going for a long trip, keep track of your gas and make many stops to fill up.
Follow the firearms laws of your area.
If you should choose to own and use a firearm, understand that they are extremely dangerous, especially if not used and stored properly. Use a trigger lock mechanism to ensure that your weapon will not be used against you, even if by accident (this is especially important if you might ever have children in your home). Educate yourself about the proper cleaning and maintenance of your firearm to ensure that it will always be in working condition if you should need it.
Beware of victim blame and rape myths
Always remember The Only Person Responsible For An Assault Is The Perpetrator.If you have been assaulted, no matter what you do, or do not do, in any case

It Is Not Your Fault.

"How to Avoid Getting Raped in College" - Chrome

2009-04-21T21:51:00.002+08:00

Do you have fears that you may get raped while in college? Here are some very helpful pointers you can follow if you want to really stay safe

Steps:

Be very cautious of who you trust. Most students who actually get raped knew who their rapist was.
Learn how to defend yourself from an actual rapist.
Learn about the effects of date rape drugs and alcohol.
Go on group dates instead of being alone with your date until you have gotten to know him better.
Don't drink alcohol just to impress guys. Women tend to get drunk a lot faster then guys.
Watch how much alcohol any drink contains because some drinks can get you wiped out if you drink enough of them such as wines, hard cider and cocktails.
Drink out of containers you open yourself and watch your drink at all times.

Tips:

If you think you have been drugged, go to the emergency room at the hospital to get tested immediately!

"How to fix a broken friendship"

2009-04-21T17:44:00.002+08:00

Friendships are built on trust. Many a confidence is shared between two 'good' friends, and once that confidence has been violated, then expect the friendship to be broken. It is difficult, and at times impossible to restore a friendship, and most of the time, it will never be the same.

Steps

Say you are sorry but you should mean it, the person will be able to tell if you're being sincere or not. It's the best word to use, to explain your feelings. Leave it as a message on their answering machine if they have not answered your phone calls.
Explain how much you value and miss their friendship, and that you would like to speak to them in person.
Mention simply what had occurred, and how you wish you could turn back that moment in time.
Speak quietly, sincerely, and allow them to feel the pain that you feel, and the loneliness you have endured since the break up of the friendship.
Even under the worst of circumstances an honest face to face conversation may be all that is needed to reestablish a bond.
Show him/her that you are sorry. You made a mistake (probably a big one). Show that you did not want to hurt him/her, because he/she was (or most preferably is) your friend, and friends do not want to hurt friends.

Tips

When you meet, hug, and say 'I am sorry'. Be honest, and apologize for your thoughtlessness.

Tell them how much your friendship meant, and that you hope you can get it back.
Be a good listener, once they have finished what they have said completely, respond and give your thoughts.
It's okay to cry and show emotion, it shows you care.

Warnings

Make sure you're not still angry at this person
Make sure that you will not explode when they say something that might get you mad.
Do not leave repeated messages on their machines. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. That will make them think that you are too clingy and they won't want to be around you.
Don't hover around them if they don't accept your apology. If they don't care, they aren't good enough to be your friend. Get some new friends.

Partners for life...Really?

2009-04-20T22:31:00.005+08:00

As a little girl, I drew pictures of princesses marrying princes. In kindergarten, I proceeded to draw about what I wanted to be... A bride.

But that naive dream soon shattered when I entered primary school, where constant 'Eeeee' and 'Yuck' were a constant teasing of girls and boys. Then, gradually the dream drifted to some far corner of my mind. Having fun of playing my Car tracks and new bloody-gore computer games became more important.

And yes, to all readers out there, I am indeed a girl.

I remember falling in love with a guy in kindergarten. Love was so simple back then, conversed through the swapping of lunch and holding hands around the playground, promising things like 'we're going to get married when we grow up.'

But now, I can't really say for sure.

I flip through the blogs, and these profession of love are almost everywhere---if you search hard enough.

But I'm not sure whether its worth to fall in love, in such a period. When my new dreams are fresh like the cookies from the oven. I plan to study fashion, and of course, dive into the dream with good results.

But friends out there, in the case to choose between a teenage love and your dream, which will you go for?

I'd go for my dream.
ASRAH

"How to Deal With Teen Pregnancy" - Chrome

2009-04-20T21:20:00.002+08:00

Pregnancy is sometimes unplanned, especially the younger we are. Our bodies are made in such a way, that you can get pregnant as a teenager. This is a time in our lives when we are emotionally and financially needing support to deal with having a child. Be brave, you have a challenge ahead of you.
If you are a pregnant teen, and made a mistake, here are some ways to help you with your pregnancy.

Steps:

When you first discover you are pregnant, you should tell someone that you trust and who will support you.
Telling your parents about the pregnancy can be a difficult thing to do, especially if they didn't know you were sexually active. Figure out the best way to do this

Support:If both or one of your parents support you, that is wonderful, as they have experience and can guide you through parenting. If the father of your baby supports you, that, too, could be wonderful, as he could willingly help you by taking you to appointments, paying for baby stuff, being emotionally supportive, and so much more. If you don't find support, tell everyone until you find people who will support you. If no one knows or supports you, you could be going through this alone.
Apply for Medicaid and WIC to cover your medical expenses, food and living expenses if necessary. Oftentimes, there is support for young women, and it can help you to find jobs, finish high school, and go to a vocational school or college.
Take a parenting course
Find a place to stay. If your parents don't support you, or are giving you an ultimatum to do their wishes or move, and your boyfriend is not supportive, see if you can find a relative, friend, or anyone who has your best interests. If you don't have support from friends or family, seek help from the state.
Get advice. If you're afraid of having a baby, consult an elder, nurse, doctor or midwife. Ask them what to expect.
Save money. Be thrifty in what you buy. There are oftentimes places where you can buy stuff for you and your baby very cheaply, such as yard sales and thrift stores

Tips:

If your boyfriend is abusive you should ask him to get counseling. If he is not willing to do so, you may need to remove yourself and your baby away from him.
Keep your mind open to adoption. You should do research and talk to people who can help; your child might get to live a happy life with a loving family.
Check MySpace, yahoo and other groups, there are young mother support groups online.
If the father doesn't want to be involved, you can still collect child support.
If your parents are forcing you to choose an option you aren't comfortable with, consider becoming emancipated.

Warnings:

When a baby is left alone or is left without his mother for a long time, a baby will go through three stages: protest, despair, and detachment

" hOW TO bE MATURE " - chrome

2009-04-20T17:23:00.007+08:00

Finding yourself acting young or childish? Do you want to make a change to your lifestyle?

STEPS

Tone down your fashions. First impressions do count.

You can still wear brightly colored clothes, but look at the fit and the style.

Wear more tailored clothing, more put together.

Use manners. Try to be courteous without being stuffy or inflexible.

When meeting new people, shake their hand. A solid grip, but not too hard, two pumps of the hand and let go. Don't look at your hands; look them in the eye. Repeat their name and make an effort to remember it.

Avoid interrupting people during conversation; people find this irritating.

Don't play with things, look away, or fidget.

Think before you speak. If you can't think of anything to say, or don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing.

"Be slow to anger". People that lose temper and/or self-control easily may be recognized as insecure or immature.

Learn to apologize sincerely for your mistakes, inappropriate words and actions towards others. It might take some practice and courage to overcome your pride, but remember: the best way to act mature is by being truly mature.

Listen, slightly nod, and say little things like, "Oh, yes," to let them know you are listening. Make sure you are actually listening.

Remember, when you speak, use facial expressions and be funny as usual, but be more serious in conversation.

Be helpful. Hold doors, help pick things up, and offer help and assistance when needed.

Talk about mature things to people: work, life experiences, and life lessons you have learned, or just about how beautiful it is outside. Notice how they carry themselves, how they dress, and how they speak.

Keep in mind, around kids, squat down to their size when you talk to them. Don't act fake when they tell you something that is a big accomplishment to them. Say, "Awesome!" or, "Wow, good job." Kids feel good when you are truly amazed instead of patronizing.

Try to use proper grammar and spelling whenever you write, including instant messaging and online games.

Keep an open mind. Just because you have never heard of or tried something, doesn't mean you should shut it out or dismiss the possibility. Rather, see it as an opportunity for you to learn about something (or someone) new and different.

Learn to control your temper. Above all, if somebody does something you don't agree with, try not to shout or carry on. Instead, let it go if it is a minor matter. If you must say something or disagree with someone, do so tactfully and in a conversational tone of voice. You'll find that people respond more positively, too.

Don't swear, or at the very least, save the swearing for times that really warrant it. Swearing mainly demonstrates to others that you have poor control over your temper. Instead, try learning some other words to show your displeasure with something. Something that's not up to your standards could be terrible, lousy, rotten, crummy, no-good, and so on. Many of these terms will help you zero in on what the trouble is, communicate more effectively, and perhaps even move towards a solution.

Try it! You will probably find that people will listen to you better and take you more seriously if you don't swear.

Accept compliments gracefully. If somebody has taken the trouble to compliment you, the least you can do is appreciate it.

Take criticism gracefully, too. Not all of it is valid, but it is often worth giving some thought to how others see you and what you can improve.
Be mature and polite online, too.

Turn off your caps lock key and capitalize proper nouns and the beginnings of sentences.
Think before you post. Have lots of people already said what you're about to say? Does your post make sense?

Read and follow the rules. They're there for a reason.

Proofread before you post. Use complete sentences

Go easy on abbreviations ("ur", "LOL"), slang, and emoticons. A sprinkling of these in an informal setting can add color. Too many can make it incomprehensible.

Avoid speaking 1337 when not necessary . This is an annoying habit most people do without thinking.

Don't blab on about a load of things because people will find this annoying.

TIPS

Avoid trying to be the center of attention all the time.
Quit drinking caffeine. This includes coffee, soda, tea and most energy drinks. Caffeine makes you hyperactive, which in turn makes you immature. Try to not drink caffeine, but if you do, take it in small amounts. Sugar can also make you very hyper.
Remember, people will enjoy listening to your contributions if you allow them the chance to speak as well.
If someone burps or passes gas, do not laugh at it. If laughing is inevitable, try not to be the loudest person laughing at it. If you commit such an offense, say, "Excuse me."
Groom yourself neatly. This also means not to wear anything too revealing, such as flip flops to school (without socks) if you are a guy, or tank tops without something over them (such as a jacket) if you are a girl (assuming your school allows these things anyway, but this is true in a movie theater or a shopping mall too).
If you're not sure about the proper etiquette for a particular situation, notice what others are doing and follow suit. Then, make a point to look it up in an etiquette guide when you have a chance.
By the same token, when you enter a new situation or new community, keep quiet for awhile and notice how others conduct themselves. Then, act accordingly.
Be in control of what you are doing. If you can not handle talking to a person while doing something, stop what you are doing because it might go wrong.
DO NOT go up to people and tell them they have more friends/you have more friends than them.
DO NOT go up to people and brag to then about your boyfriend/girlfriend.
DO NOT interrupt the teacher when she is talking to the class. When she is talking to the class don't raise your hand and shout out, "Mrs. So-and-So, I have a question..." and do not blurt out your question unless she calls on you.
If you are sitting next to someone and they have a headache, try to talk a little bit more quietly so that you don't make their headache worse. Also, be sure not to tap your pencil on the table, especially when someone at the table has a headache.

WARNINGS

Avoid being too mature. Don't take it to the extremes.
More specifically, do not mistake maturity and conceitedness, you should read this to improve yourself, not in order to be better than the other guy.
Don't pretend to know things you don't; people will always be able to tell, and you'll just look silly. Instead, focus on something you know well. Try reading a newspaper--if nothing else, you'll know what's going on in the world.

"How to Have Fun at a Party Where Everyone Is Getting Drunk" - Chrome

2009-04-19T21:15:00.002+08:00

All your mates are drunk having a great time, and you're not drinking and bored out of your brains? What do you do?

Steps:

Watch the funny drunks! It can be really funny to simply watch those idiots act stupid. Take photographs and share these with them at a later date. They can also be used to show them how stupid they look and act when they drink too much.
Act like you're drunk yourself. Your friends won't know the difference and then you can just do stupid things with them. And you won't have to worry about having a hangover!
Watch a movie.
Find other sober people to talk to. This could be a good opportunity to make new friends. You likely are not the only person not drinking at a party.
Find drunk people to talk to. When your friend is buzzed, maybe she'll tell you that secret you've been dying to know.
Play bartender. You can also help water down drinks to help out your friends.
Play strip poker with all the drunk people, odds are you will win. If you don't, you can always cheat. They won't know because they're drunk.
Become the designated driver to ensure your friends arrive home safely. This may or may not be "fun", but it may make you the hero of the night, and may give you a warm fuzzy glow for being a good guy or gal.
Get some! if you are sober and someone you fancy is drunk, chances are that you may be able to take advantage of them (in the good way)

Tips:

If your good friends are getting really drunk, give them lots of water. This will prevent what would otherwise be a terrible hangover for them, and make them indebted to you (which is always a good thing).
Remember, a lot of the fun of being at a party, regardless of whether there is alcohol, is simply being with people. When people are together and drinking, they generally think they are much more drunk than they are.
Don't drink and drive. Don't let your friends do it, either.
Although it's nice to help "babysit" drunk people, you're not under any obligation to take care of them unless they're imminently about to do something stupid. If you want to leave a party you're not having fun at, that's your right.
Make sure to secure a ride home. You don't want to be driven to a party only to have your ride get trashed.

Warnings:

Not having fun is bad for your health, so have fun.
Sharp pointy objects and drunk people are a bad mix.
If you attempt to blackmail someone with a picture, it may be harmful to your health and it can be illegal.
If you feel that the others are doing things you would rather not, like become rowdy, sexually harrassing, or neighbors are threatening to call the police, leave. You can get into trouble inadvertently by being at an out-of-control party or situation and it's best to not be there when and if something bad happens.

"How to Avoid Getting Drunk" _ Chrome

2009-04-19T21:04:00.003+08:00

If you live in a place with a lot of nightlife action or you're just hanging out with your friends, it can be tempting to over-drink. This article will teach you to avoid getting drunk.

Steps:

Remember that one glass is okay. One glass of wine is okay. It shouldn't affect you. Just drink slowly and enjoy yourself. Just don't drink anymore. If you know you can't stop at one glass, then don't have any.
Make A Plan! Try this with your one close friend. Every couple of months you can go out and have a good time. One of you must stay sober and the other can drink all they want.
Distract Yourself! If you must drink, then a distraction might be good for you. Go dance or talk or order another one of your favorite non-alcoholic drinks.
Get Educated! If you know what the alcohol slowly does to your body it might be less tempting to drink.
Look For Support!. A buddy who refuses to drink, a family member or just about anyone can stop you from over doing it.
Rubber Band Flick Trick! Wear a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you get the temptation flick yourself.

Tips:

Remember to drink for taste. If you are thirsty order water with your alcoholic beverage so you can drink the water to relive thirst and relax when you drink your alcohol.
A therapy session can do you good if your are an active drinker.

" How to improve your life"-chrome

2009-04-19T17:23:00.006+08:00

There are ways to improve your life, as long as you're willing to work at it.

STEPS

Admit that you are imperfect, and/or that you have areas in your life that need improvement. For example if you need money a practical solution might be to get a job or to start your own business. In some areas of your life you may need some financial security to really assist you in reinventing your life.
Determine specifically what areas of your life need changing. Perhaps you need to shift the way you think, the way you relate to others. It is possible that you may need to adjust your personal character, or that you may need some external inspiration. Making changes in your external environment can assist you in the way you live your life, by allowing your creative impulses to flow.
Work on your social skills. It is important to be able to have friends in your life, even if you undergo changes you may still want to maintain long-term friendships.
Develop self-confidence. Continuously encourage yourself to do better. Sometimes it may be necessary to push ourselves beyond our limits in certain situations in order to see that the limitations we have placed on ourselves were innaccurate. However, we may need to take risks that do not push us too far beyond our capabilities. In this area it may be difficult to determine specifically what risks are necessary, be cautious in areas that may endanger you permanently, but allow yourself to be free enough to try new things that may help you progessively.
Make use of the good qualities and talents you have, even if you feel as though you've only got a few (surely you have a lot, but let's say you've only discovered a few) .
Take care of yourself in a multitude of ways, including spiritually, mentally, physically and financially. If you have trouble in a certain area seek help, but realize that you may need to be careful which advice you accept.
Give yourself plenty of time to re-create your view of yourself and the world. Although you may be anxious to be a wiser and more capable person, you may need to relax a bit and not take yourself too seriously.

Tips

If you have on a small mistake then it's okay. Whether or not people remember your mistakes and hold grudges, even for the smallest infraction, is not a definitive trait of your own level of internal improvement.
Don't adhere to advice simply because someone gives it you, instead view it within the context of your own situation and look at as many possible alternative solutions as possible.
Open up your availabilty to resources that will empower you rather than disempower you. Some of the ways to do this are the following suggestions: indulge yourself in great books, great paintings, great music that contain certain themes which are related to your life, preferably these should be books and music and paintings that inspire you and convey messages which you feel are related to your life aspirations or experiences. ("The Arts serve a great purpose for the human race")
People are social creatures. You don't have to be extroverted and socialize with everyone if you're somewhat introverted in nature. However if you feel isolated you may need to exert that certain part of yourself that branches out and reaches people in the most loving and benificial manner.
And finally remember no one is perfect. It's a matter of being comfortable in your skin.

WARNINGS!

Don't overdo it. Personal change takes time. Forcing yourself to change before you are ready will ultimately be ineffective
Be frugal in the areas of your life that require it. The most common example in this area is that of finances, however frugality may be a necessity in other areas such as how much you give and take from others as well.
Pampering yourself sometimes is not a bad idea, but doing so while neglecting others will make you appear to be arrogant and self-centered.
Don't rely on others for every problem in your life. There are certain areas of your life that you may need to correct using your own intellect and/or intuition.
If there is a problem, correct it as immediately as possible. However if you could not or did not do this allow yourself some time to adjust to it and to make better decisions in the present and future.
Don't tell anyone that you are perfect... or even that you are trying to attain perfection. But you can tell people that you are trying to make changes in your life. Yet do not rely so heavily upon the expectation that they will be favorable of your choices, even if they are beneficial for you.
You cannot expect to get everything you want out of life, doing so is not only disempowering but purely unrealistic and illogical. But you can expect that you can make a better life for yourself and others if you decide to work hard enough toward it.

"How to Not Stress over a Breakup"-Chrome

2009-04-18T20:58:00.002+08:00

Here are some ways to get over a break up quickly before anything happens.

Steps:

Go out with your friends. * Remember friends ALWAYS make you laugh. If you want to get over it, you have to be with your friends so they can help you forget about it and make you feel better.
Write out your feelings on a piece of paper. (It always helps.)
Do not become his friend UNLESS you are truly And completely OVER HIM!
Erase all the little notes and messages he gave you or left on your phone. Erase his phone number. There is no sense in having it anymore if you want to make a true, finished, clean break.
Get it all out. 'Cry, scream and feel sorry for yourself'. Wallow in self-pity. However, one day while you are wallowing you will suddenly say, "Hey I don't feel like wallowing anymore today. I feel better." And the next day you will feel better and each day after that you will feel even better. Soon, something amazing happens, you rediscover your smile and actually laugh at who you were back then. Suddenly you are thankful for what the experience taught you.
Find some words of wisdom and live by them. A great piece was posted here on the
Breaking Up is Hard to Do board a while ago. I kept it, and I read it every morning when I sit at my desk. The first line is, 'Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb you.' For me, that has worked! Reading a simple little piece someone posted has made such a great impact on how I view it all. It does get better, and within a couple of weeks, the hurt goes away.
Think positively. If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don't.
Success begins with your own will. It's all in your state of mind. Life's battles are not always won by those who are stronger or faster. Sooner or later the person who wins is the person who thinks he can!
Never be ashamed of your feelings. In the beginning of a break-up, you might want to show people that you are fine. This might cause you to go out and act as though you are moving on full swing. You might even start dating immediately. If the relationship meant a great deal to you then you are going to need time to mourn the loss of it. Never assume you need to apologize for feeling bad about your new path in life. As a relationship ends, you will need to grieve. Take time to get past the emotions of anger, sadness, and loss.
Once you can accept where you are and that the relationship is in the past, then maybe you are ready for a new relationship. Start a new hobby or pastime. This will let you concentrate on something new and interesting and get you out of the circular thought process you may or may not develop, thinking about your ex too much.

Warnings:
This may not work for you, but forget about him or her. There are plenty more waiting for you.
Do not resort to alcohol ever it will only multiply your problems and get you fired from your job, harm your health, get you thrown in jail and harm relationships with friends and family. If it gets to the point where that you feel that you need alcohol to cope then you have a serious problem, and you should immediately seek out professional help.

"How to Deal With Break Ups and Turn Downs" -chrome

2009-04-18T20:51:00.007+08:00

Ever liked that certain someone and thought, hoped, and prayed they liked you back? Ever asked or had your friends ask him to go out with you and been shot down and felt that you would never be happy again? Well you will and here are some tips on how!

Steps:

The day that you get turned down, take a bath with some pretty scented flower petals such as rose petals or daisy petals. Having some sweet smelling candles like Vanilla, or fresh cotton is a good bonus. Turn on your radio and just relax. Maybe if you are still feeling down that weekend, go out on a shopping spree with your friends and grab a bite to eat at your favorite restaurant, or play your favorite sport. Anything to make you feel better.

Try to get over him or her! He or she doesn't know what they missed out on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Know that you are beautiful. One day, you're going to meet someone who's a caring, sweet person that likes you for who you are. Hopefully then you'll realize that the other person who broke your heart was a jerk who doesn't have a lot since they turned down such a nice, beautiful human being.

Know that friends are there to help you. So is family. Don't tune anyone out. Then you'll feel like you're all alone in this situation and that will make you feel worse. If you let your feelings out, you'll realize you're not alone.

Get confident. As long as you know you're sweet, charming, funny, and cute, other people's opinions shouldn't count, so don't let them bother you or change you.

Go and relax life will move on just because one guy/girl does't want to be with you doesn't mean that other wonderful people don't either. So get back on your feet and just try again.

Tips:

You can't rely on only these tips to take all your troubles away. Do what you want to make you feel better and simply add these tips to your plan of pampering and pick-me-ups

Warnings:

Don't try to plan revenge on that person. That will make you feel worse. And don't threaten him to go out with you. Then you would know the love wasn't true and then he would be afraid of you.

Things to do:

Stay positive

Some nice smelling flower petals and some nice candles
A bathroom with a bathtub and running water

Reflection, thionk over, was the guy worth it ?

Crushes or crushed:/

2009-04-17T23:35:00.003+08:00

That was probably one the most stupidest things I have done.
STUPID GIRL.STUPID STUPID STUPID.

It was my first time----confessing to my crush in primary school.
And the experience sure wasn't great because for some weird unknown reason, my crush teased me----in a sadistic view. But I still couldn't let him go. It was stupid.

So now, thanks to that memorable experience, I am now both paranoid and freaked out when it comes to 'confessing---of love---TO CRUSHES!'

I admit it's stupid cause it's been more than half a decade but I'm still hung over.
But I'm sure now you know the psychological damage this has done to me.
Scarred for life....
Probably.

Now, I try not to have crushes, be infatuated and cover up these feelings of what I call them 'admiration' to be due to my fickle-mindedness and probably what we all term as 'puppy love'.

I'm not trying to offend anyone out there, but as a christian, I tell myself I don't deserve anyone to myself when I can't even fully 'love' my family and religion---christianity.

So why are we---A bunch of clueless girls in love--- So impatient on finding THE ONE.

THE ONE who would love every single side of you----Even when you're fat.(But of course tell you to get healthy and shed a few kilos....)
THE ONE who wouldn't strangle your life and try to run it for you.
THE ONE who would be able to make even the worst of our period days to all laughter and Joy.
THE ONE who would respect you, and think carefullly of you as a fragile rose.
THE ONE who would grow old and spend the rest of the white-hair days, watching the rise and dawn of the sun, and the remaining days.

So why not be patient and trust that THE ONE will definitely appear in front of you, like a jigsaw puzzle to the uncompleted myths of your heart.
And girls out there,
When THE ONE appears, you will know it, that's why there's such a thing called 'six sense---better known as 'instinct', that's the time to pick up your courage and confess.

So crushes or crushed?
Don't spend your lifetime worrying THE ONE will never come. Don't be crushed.
Instead, get your ass out there and have fun---That's what life's about! LOVE!
Have crushes, but don't be CRUSHED!

----Your online friend: ASRAH
P.S( Against conventional logic, I personally think that crushes ruin my social life. Why?---
Because I think about it too much. What about you?)

2009-04-17T17:53:00.003+08:00

HOW TO GET OVER A HEARTBREAK

1) Call the person you trust the MOST and have them come over.

2) Cry, its okay that you're vulnerable, upset, and that you let you possibly let your guard down for the first time in a long time. Every one makes mistakes. Just realize your NOT the first.

3) Don't flip out on the guy or girl because they don't want to be together anymore. Just need to stay calm and understand sometimes things seem perfect to one person, but then its a completely different story from the other person, in the relationship, point of view.

4) Some time being alone is a good thing so you can really get your feeling straight.

5) NEVER consider harming yourself, no one is worth that. Why should you give up your life because that particular person decided to screw it up for the next two weeks/months.

6) Since your being calm and know your feeling towards the situation then comes the hardest part, moving on. staying stuck on that person will never benefit you. See that person with some one else you know will be crushing but to have some one you can help you get your mind off things and get over that person.

7) Dating comes and goes the ones who want to make it work when it isn't, are the "keepers." Also now you have freedoms you didn't have before so live it up let them know you don't care and you can move on with your life.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2193115_over-heartbreak.html

-piggy

2009-04-17T17:50:00.002+08:00

If you've loved a boy for a very long time (loong-term relationship), or even short, and he all of the sudden breaks up with you, a.k.a, breaks your heart, he is obviously not worth your time. And you just soon need to get over him. Don't kill yourself over it, emotionally. And its not worth dwelling over.
Here are some things to get your mind of of him:
1)Hangout with your friends
2)Listen to your favorite music
3)Talk to your family about it
4)Flirt with cuter boys!

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_get_over_a_heartbreak

1)just stop thinking everything bout him/her.
2)DO NOT, NEVER, memorize his/her cell phone number/email add/whatsoever & delete them off your contact list. It'd be easier for you to stop contacting him/her since there's almost no way for you to locate him/her. Just kick him/her out TOTALLY.
3)Hang out with friends. They are probably the most sweetest thing on earth to help you get through this stage and give you support.
4)Go on a movie marathon(You can watch movies online or rent DVDs, don't exactly have to go to the theatres).
5)Do some exercises, chat, meet and make new trusty friends

http://www.43things.com/how_i_did_it/view/21446/how-to-get-over-my-heartbreak

-piggy

2009-04-17T17:47:00.002+08:00

Ways to Get Over a Heart Break
1)Sharing your feelings with a friend can prove to be of extreme help, as it will help vent out your frustration and agony.
2)Focus on what is good in yourself. Do not put the entire blame on your own self. Remind yourself about all the good qualities you possess.
3)Along with your heart, do not make your body bear the brunt. Take good care of your body, eat, sleep and exercise well. Physical health will make you feel nice about yourself.
4)To get those deep, yet hurtful emotions out, don’t be reluctant in crying your heart out. Remember, tears do help in getting rid of the pain within.
5)Enjoy your normal life, taking part in various social activities. This will take your mind off the recent catastrophe.
6)Try and keep yourself as busy as possible. This can be done in a number of ways, like indulging in your hobby or making new friends.
7)Give yourself time to recover from the situation. Do not haste and try to make things alright overnight.
8)Letting go is another healthy approach towards healing yourself. Pep yourself up by convincing that there are better things in store for you.
9)No war can be won without thinking positive. Same holds true for this situation as well. Be positive and move on with life.

http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/getting-over-a-heartbreak-2238.html

2009-04-17T17:44:00.004+08:00

How to Get Over Heartbreak

Step1) Let go. Realize the relationship is truly over. You cannot begin moving on until you completely give up on that person. Put your former lover completely out your system. Discard the last shred of hope that you may get back together.
Step2) Come to terms with the relationship. Once you have accepted that it is over, you are ready to make amends with yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes you may have made. Quit staying up at night thinking "If I had only done..." because it doesn't matter now. The relationship is over.
Step3) Stay busy. Keep your mind occupied, and if you can't keep your mind occupied, keep your body occupied. Try not to be alone. Go out with friends, play sports, take up a new hobby. Try to avoid the routines you used to follow during the relationship.
Step4) Seek new experiences. The best way to forget the old is to embrace the new. Now is a good time to broaden your horizons. Find out for yourself that there is more to life than that one lost love.
Step5) Break the habit. This person may have been a large part of your life. You may have had daily rituals that involved him or her. Avoid situations that remind you of their absence. Now you have to find other activities to fill the void.
Step6) Find a healthy outlet. Write in your journal or talk with friends. Get out all those nasty feelings: They are easier to deal with when they are on the table rather than pent up inside.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2004304_get-over-heartbreak.html

-piggy

2009-04-17T17:31:00.002+08:00

Ten Tips to Know You are Being Used

1. The guy can't remember your name and keeps calling you by the name of his former girlfriend.
2. The guy can't look you in the eyes cause he is busy looking at other parts of your body.

3. The guy is only affectionate when he wants sex.

4. The guy wants to be with you exclusively on his terms, when and where he wants you.

5. The guy doesn't want to meet your family or get involved with your life.

6. The guy doesn't call you except when he is drunk or lonely.

7. After a sexual encounter, you never hear from him again.

8. The guy brags about his sexual escapades and conquests.

9. The guy is not interested in anything more than a one night stand.

10. The guy is checking out other women while he is with you.

You are a human being. You do not deserve to be used. You are worth more than this.There are plenty of great men out there who treat women decently, respect women, and care about women.Know your worth... be strong!

-piggy

2009-04-17T17:21:00.006+08:00

ten most important beauty secrets ever!

1. A genuine smile. There is nothing in the world more attractive. A smile is worth a hundred times more than the most expensive sparkly lipstick. It was overwhelmingly clear that the women who were smiling were the ones men found attractive.*Regardless of shape, hair color, height, or any number of measurements, it was a smile that was compelling.

2. Bright eyes. While we may be misled to think that beautiful eyes are created with the thickest, luscious mascara, a new make-up technique, or the right color eye-shadow, bright eyes filled with wonder, interest, peace, curiosity, and concern capture us. The eyes are the window to the soul, they entreat us, compel us, and connect us to one another.

3. Health. As humans in spite of the greatest care we may not always be in optimum physical, spiritual, and/or emotional health (I believe we need the difficult challenges to grow and develop). But if our underlying sense of self is healthy, if our worldview is one of peace and strength, we can go through the difficult times where our health is challenged with dignity.

4. Graciousness. That loveliest of qualities that helps us feel accepted, cared for, and loved. Graciousness is a dignity filled with respect, concern, and acceptance. It is embracing the highest human qualities while releasing the base and tawdry. Graciousness is ultimately ennobling and fills us with reverence for life and each other. When we are in the presence of a gracious person, we feel the wonder of their beauty and feel beautiful ourselves.

5. A tender gaze. There are few things in life that fill us with peace and love and joy as a tender gaze. Looking at others with love and care is more attractive than all the beauty products humans could ever create. Whether a mother gazes upon her newborn, or lovers gaze upon their beloved, a tender gaze must be one of the most alluring abilities of all.

6. Hands that reach for others. There is a deep alluring grace in those whose lives are dedicated to service, care, and support of those in need. It is as if the souls that live to care and love the world are filled with the very essence of what is beautiful.

7. An Authentic Soul. Being in the presence of another who is expressing their true self is like seeing a flower in full bloom. On the other hand, when we see those who are trying to be something other than what they are, we miss their unique beauty.

8. A radiant aura. When all is said and done, true beauty is clearly not a provocative form, a mask or pretense, or glamorous sexy clothing we put on our form. True beauty is a positive, healing, nurturing energy that IS us.
9. Confidence and humility. These come together because they require balance. Over confidence can become elitism, even egotism while humility can move toward insecurity and low self-esteem. What is absolutely gorgeous is a being who is confident and has a strong sense of self blended with an awareness and honoring of the grandeur of their place in the universe.
10. A Loving spirit. There is nothing more attractive than being in the presence of a spirit who loves others and who loves life. Love is a powerful force and humankind is in desperate need of those who can share their love with the world.
True beauty is the pure energy that radiates from our hearts.

http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2008/10/ten-most-important-beauty-secrets-ever.html

-piggy

2009-04-17T17:14:00.003+08:00

You know a guy is not good for you if...

1. You are constantly making excuses for his bad behavior.

2. There are times you feel fear and/or anxiety when you are around him. You are worried how he will react to you or to something you have done.

3. You find yourself giving in to demands that are against your personal sense of decency or morality.

4. His words of love do not match his actions.

5. You keep justifying and denying those nagging feelings that something is not right.

6. He tells you what you want and need.

7. He tries to inhibit or damage your relationships with your friends and family.

8. You find yourself wanting to inappropriate please him to gain his approval or love.

9. You feel you have to live a secret life (that doesn't involve anything inappropriate) so he won't get angry.

10. He has emotionally or physically abused you.

http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2008/09/you-know-guy-is-not-good-for-you-if.html

-piggy

2009-03-25T16:42:00.002+08:00

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ADOPTION AND ABORTION

"Abortion is not just a simple medical procedure. For many women, it is a life-changing event with significant physical, emotional and spiritual consequences. Most women who struggle with past abortions say that they wish they had been told all of the facts about abortion and its risks."
Adoption
- Your pregnancy ends with giving life
- You may feel good and positive about your choice
- You will remember giving birth
- You will have plenty of time to plan your and your baby's future
- You can hold, name, and love your baby
- You can have continued contact with your child

Abortion
- Your pregnancy ends with death
- You may feel guilt and shame about your choice
- You will remember taking a life
- Abortion is final; you can’t reverse your decision
- You will never know or treasure your baby
- You will miss the opportunity to see your child develop

BY MAG

2009-03-25T13:56:00.003+08:00

>>(About love) Chinese songs:

Angela 張韶涵 - 親愛的那不是愛情

Jocie 郭美美 - 勾勾手

Rainie 楊丞琳 - Ideal Lover-Li Xiang Qing Ren

Show 羅志祥 - 搞笑

Super Junior M - U

Super Junior-M ME (迷)

Super Junior - U-就是你(Chinese version)

>>Korean&Japanese Songs:

SUPER JUNIOR- SORRY SORRY

Super Junior- Marry You

Super Junior M - Me (迷) Korean Ver.

Happiness (Super Junior) Haengbok

Super Junior - Miracle

DBSK - Why Did I Fall In Love With You

DBSK - Mirotic

DBSK - Miduhyo

DBSK - Hug

DBSK - Forever Love

Big Bang - Lies

Big Bang - Haru Haru

Big Bang - Always

Big Bang - With U

Big Bang - Last Farewell

FT Island - Heaven

FT Island - After Love

F.T. Island - Bad Woman

-Piggy

"Getting Hitched - Are you ready? " - Chrome

2009-03-23T16:34:00.004+08:00

The Parent Factor

Every parent in the world will tell you that you can only be in a relationship when you're old enough and the age range again varies from parent to parent. there are some who thik by the time their children hit their late teens, between the age of 16-18, they are not just ok with their children getting involved with a significant other, but even expect their kids to do just that.

For these parents, getting older is the same as becoming more ready to be in a relationship. Yet, as we all know, life works in mysterious ways and the power that be often do not keep in mind your age when striking you with Cupid's arrows. I have agree with a friend of mine who belives strongly that " finding that someone who feels that same sense of mutal attraction is a wonderous thing and should never be passed up".

But on the other hand, there are those who think that children need to focus fully on their studies before embarking on something such as a time consuming relationship. When their parents think this way, most teens end up sneaking around behind thei parents back, but this usually backfires badly because a secret like this can never be kept for long.

We've all seen movies and read fairy tales, but as romantic as it seems to defy odds for the sake of love, be it your parents, teachers or friends, being ready for a relationship goes beyond just having feelings for another.

The Time Factor

Most people I know don't seem to realise that being in a relationship is, more often than not, a life-changing affair. i'm sure taht you'll notice that it simply gets harder and harder to ask the "attatched" people out for gatherings.

"I'm gonna catch a movie with my girl."
"I'll have to go cheer him on his basketball finals."
"I'm meeting her for a study session."

Those regular session of watching English Premeir Leaugr on Saturdays suddenly become not so regular. That weekly session of yoga together with girl friends simply eveporates into thin air. While it all isn't necessarily a bad thing, it does mean a major change to what you do with your other time, as this significant other becomes a big part of your life.

Realising the enormity of the amount of time a relationship takes up is just the first step. You have to be ready to make, and accept, the changes in your life. Yes, these changes may seem like "sacrifices", a mindset that often leads to arguements. But at the endof the day, they are actually a series of conscious choices that should be made with a clear mind.

The Balance Factor

Having emphasised the need for a sound mind when deciding on how your life together will be like, there is a need for balance, as in all the things in life. A female friend once told me "I watch football with him on saturday nights, but he has to go shopping with me the day before that." This is great, as she has found a balance point that is acceptable to both parties.

Similarly, there needs to be a balance with other areas of your life, such as school, family and friends. There are only so many hours in one day and as much hours in one day and as much as you may want to spend every minute with your significant other, the world isn't just made up the two of you.

Some people tell me they acomplish this by compartmentalising their time. It's a little like having a school timetable for your life. Sat mornings care meant to be spent with your families, the afternoon to be spent with your friends, the evening with your partner, while sunday is study and homework all day.

This takes alot of discipline, as weel as remembering your priortities and being flexible when the need arises. If there is schoolwork to be done, there is no time for a movie. Both parties have to understand that sometings are more important than others, and accept that willing.

Making it work

I remember being told by a dear friend, " being in arelationship is about helping each other grow." As cliched as that sounds, there is a great deal of truth in it. Like Tom Cruise said to Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire, the epitome of a relationship is the phrase, " You complete me", I think being together can mean forming a more fulfilling life. However, nobody said it was going to be an easy thing to do.

There really is no hard way to ensure that a relationship orks out. But being aware if what to expect of life with a significant other, coming to terms with the probable changes and readying yourself for them can mean a world of diffrence. The rest is up to the how you and your bf or gf communicate and how sucessful you guys are at achieving a balance in both your personal lives and your life together.

Marty

PIGGY'S PART 5

2009-03-23T16:20:00.000+08:00

Love quotes~

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

Dr Seuss

"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."
Anoymous

"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
Roy Croft

"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime."
Bette Davis

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
H. Jackson Brown Jr

Let's express our love to our dearest family with these quotes!

-piggy

" Getting Hitched" - Chrome

2009-03-22T16:23:00.003+08:00

It really is the most natural thing in th world - Boys getting together with girls, becoming bf & gf and having a BGR. As diffrent as we are, somehow when put together with the right person, something really clicks and everything just falls in place.

Unfortunately, life is never that simple. Take for example Johnny Cash (played by Joaquin Phoenix) and June Carter (played by Reese Witherspoon) in the movie Walk the Line. The attraction was there from the start, but it took them years to overcome all the complications between them and in their lives before they finally got their happily ever after.

Okay, maybe i'm goin too far as to assume that everyone is looking for the sweet (or bitter) end. However, I am fairly certain that we all begin relationships hoping that they all are sucessful. And although that everyone's definations of sucess are different, I belive the basic rules of this game is that in life are the same and it's needed for for things to work out, you really have to ask youself that all important question - " Are You Ready to Get Hitched?"

Know-It-All

2009-03-21T16:29:00.002+08:00

About, Boy-Girl Relationships. (BGR)

Whoa, awaiting for this HOT HOT HOT topic? Bet so!
I know you guys have a zillion questions to ask on this, right.

1.) Ever wonder what frustrates you most about 'the one' you like?
He says:
- Naivety
- Indecisive
- Irrational
- Love playing mind games

She says:
-Blissful ignorance of girls
-Taking things for granted
-Their superior attitude
-Doesn't really give attention

Seems familiar? Cause many girls/boys are feeling this way too.
So how'd you know whether whoever you like is 'the one' for you.
There's no right/wrong answer for that cause, it just happens.

2.) What first draws you to 'the one'?
He says:
-"Obviously looks, what else man?"
-Chemistry (What's that, science? *Sniggers)
-Eyes
-Common interests

She says:
-Posture "It tells me alot about them."
-Their smile
-Their eyes
-Personality/Gd looks

Majority has it that looks really matter, but does it or not?
Let's enact a scenario whereby Mary has to choose between two.

A - Sam.
Average-looking with alil pimples here and there.
Excellent results, always helping whoever in need.
Joins the sch team for Environmental Club, vice-president.

B - Jonathan
Super adorable-looking, with a toned body with abs.
Average results, always insulting people for no reason.
Joins the sch team for soccer, the captain overall-incharge.

Who do you think Mary will choose?

A (Sam) or B (Jonathan)

Mary listened to her heart, and she knew the answer.

5th, Cherrychero

"SEX the great leap -Friendship broken" - Chrome

2009-03-21T16:08:00.004+08:00

A Friendship Broken

Ginny was 17 when she met her dream guy. They got together a month after they met and were inseparable. A year later, her bf decided to break up woth her before he left to further his studies overseas. Heartbroken, Ginny tried finding ways and means to ease her pain.

"Losing Ken was the most diffcult thing for me. He was my first bf and it wasn't as though we stopped loving each other. He just decided that it wasn't fair for me to wait for him while he jet off to another country for three years. When he left, i cried for days and it was thanks to my friends that i felt brave enough to leave the house. I was especially grateful for one friend, Tim. He was always there when i needed him - i only had to SMS him when i needed him and he would say he would be ready to take me out for a breather.

Then one day, i met Ken on the streets. We talked, and laughed... just like the old times. I was so sure that Ken would ask to get back with me until his new girlfriend walked up.

I was devastated and called Tim, who had become my best friend. He came, we talked, I cried in his arms. Tim was great, comforting me and telling me that i deserved better. I looked and him, and without thinking, I started kissing him. One thing led to another and we had sex.

After that, I was lying in bed, with Tim beside me, wondering what on earth I had just done. When Tim turned to hug me, I pushed him away ashamed. I had to tell him that what we've just done was a huger mistake. He got angry and left. From then, he's avoided me like plague even though I've tried to make amends. i never meant for things to turn out this way. I realise now that sex should never be taken lightly. And i lost a good friend in that lesson.

"SEX The Great Leap" -Chrome

2009-03-21T15:46:00.003+08:00

It's your choice, but can you handle the consequences?

Much has been said about this topic. Let's face it, it's not surprising if u hear of so-and-so having sex with someone. You probably have friends that have done it, and others who staunchly believe in waiting till they get married. But what would you do if you find yourself having to make this very important decision?

A recent poll done by a local newspaper showed that 41 out of the 100 girls polled had had pre-maritial sex. with figures like that, it's no wonder that sex is not treated as seriously as in the past, because if everyone is doing it, what's the big deal?

The big deal is that sex is not only about satudfying urges, but also about commiting to a long term relationship, and being responsible for yourself and to others. Are you ready to have a baby (or even two or three?), and be a single mum before the age of 20? Are you ready to accept the responsibility of getting another girl pregnant or even being charged with having sex with an underage girl?

Having pre-marital sex, and with multiple partners, not only puts you at the risk of pregnancy , it also exposes you to sexually transmitted diseases. You might be sure that your partner is monogamous but that does not means that he or she hasn't had sec with others before. He/She could have caught it before he/she met you. Most STDs are not life threatening but would you want your future spouse to know that you've had one? What if it turns out to be HIV-positive? Are you ready to accept that you might hav infected others with the HIV-virus?

Whild pregnancy and STDs can be prevented by using condoms, it's not a foolproff methods. There's a 15%chance of getting pregnant even with condoms and there have been cases where people have been infected with HIV or other STDs because their condom broke. With such risks, do you still treat sex as a lifestyle? If nothing else, think: would you want you future spouse know that you had sex with others before him/her , especially if he/she is against pre-marital sex or is saving himself/herself for marridge? or vice-versa?

If you ever find yourself pressured into having sex, think of these consequences before deciding to go ahead. Do not have sex just because you think everyone else is doing it and that you are weird for not having done it before. A partner who insists on having sex because " we are in love" is lying, just not more than excuses. No partner who loves you so much would pressure you. Whith so many teens out there who have pledged to remain virgin until marridge, you need not worry that you're no the only one.

"What's Better? What's Worse?" - Chrome

2009-03-21T14:15:00.003+08:00

Be attatched or single is not about social status, it is about having that special someone in your heart that you want to share your life with. There isn't really an enrolment age for couplehood or a cut off age for singlehood. It is all about timing and the level of commiment you want to have in life. Both statuese have it advantages and disadvantages. It is up to both of you to decide what kind of lifestyle you choose to pursue and maintain.

Finances

Being attatched VS Being single

A:When you are attatched, you need to plan your finances properly because your partner would expect you to give a decent gift to him during special occasion that both of you share such as birthdays, anniversaries or Valentines Day.

Going for meals and movies is no longer about taking care of youself; you would need to spare a thought for your partner. Going "dutch" is a good idea but if your partner does not have the means to go dutch, you will need to fork out cash on their behalf.

That said, it's important never to take your boyfriend's financial assistance for granted. Being attatched does not mean you need to have less money, it just means you need to plan your finances properly.

S:All the money you have or earn belongs to you and you have the freedom to spend it all on yourself and the items you desire. You just need enough for your own transport, meals and movies and other spending needs.

theextra cash you have can go into your savings, allowing you to save up money to buy the latest gadget or pursue a new hobby.

Responsibilites

Being attatched VS Being single

A:When you are attatched, your other half often wants to know where you are and which friends are you hanging out with. This is normal, as long as your partner doesn;t become obsessive or controlling. It is only courteous and responsible of you to inform you girl friend ot boyfriend if you are staying out late for a party or with your buddies, or taking a weekend trip with your family.

It also means that if your other half is in trouble, such as falling sick or lagging in their studies, you should take the initative to offer help or coming out with solutions. We are responsible for our partner's well-being, in studies, health and wealth, after all, we do want our partners to become a better person because of us.

The problem is hwne the responsibility that you have towars your partner starts affecting other relationships, like between you and your family or friends. Many times, you are torn between these oarties, and you have to start judgung these relationships - this is especially when your other partners happens to be the "sticky" possesive type.

S:You are free to go anywhere you like, with whomever you choose. You don't have to answer to anyone else, except your parents, of course, about your whereabouts or actions.

The only other people you might be responsible for are your friends if they need your help. And many times, friends can be less reliable than your partners. When they need you, you're expected to be there for them, but when you need them and they are busy with something or someone else (especially a boyfriend ot girlfriend), you are often on the losing end.

Time Management

Being attatched VS Being single

A: Balance is the key; prioritsing is the way. You need to plan your time well so that you can balance your time between studies, family, hobbies, friends and your relationship.

What happens if your partner does not enjoy the same hobbies or activities as you do? Does it mean yuo have to give up your hobby? Being attatched does not mean you give up your personal space or stop doing things that you enjoy. You need to plan your time well, allcote the right time and energy to each important area of your life.

S: Being single does free up much of your time and energy for you to explore new things that might catch your fancy, without having to wonder how to factor in "together" time with your partner. If you are a goal-oriented person or choose to remain focused to achieve certain accomplishments, then single-hood may be a better choice for you.

Sharing Burdens

Being attatched VS Being single

A:One of the most common factor that bring a boy and a girl from frienship to couplehood is when both parties starts sharing their joys, fears, worries and troubles with each other. When information of such intimacy is exchanged, the connection between two person deepens and this often leads to BGR.

So a big aprt of having a bf or a gf means you know you always have a listening ear in another person who care about you, that you don't have to go through the challenges of life alone. Being attatched means you now give someone a special place in your heart and the burdens of that person becomes yours in one way or another.

As wise people of the old have said, happiness shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved.

S: You are happy the way you are, wothout having t bother about someone else burdens. If you feel that your friends are able to share your problems and burdens as it is, you are fortunate and should count your blessings. But problems will arise when you are feeling bad and there isn't anyone to share your burdens with, who is "obliged" to sit there and comfort you while you whine about how you hate school or your classmates (opps). Feeling lonely is one ofthe biggest complains of any one who is single.

Putting in Effort

In every relationship, be it friendship or BGR, there are boundaries that are to be followed and unspoken rules to listen to that guide and guard each relationships we have. Learn to understan the value each person has in your life, this way, you will be able to wisely manage each relationship with the right amount of affection, time and energy.

Singlehood is rewarding as i gives you the time, freedom and energy to explore life to the fullest.

couplehood is fulfilling as it allows you to be loved and show love to that special someone you hold dear to.

Whether you are single or attatched, you should always cherish what you have and never envy others of what they have. Instead, choose to make the best out of where you are, with whom you have.

"Which is BEtter ? being in a relationship or not ? " -Chrome♥

2009-03-20T11:09:00.001+08:00

Envy your friends who are in a relationship? Or are you in a relationship and miss your singlehood? Has anyone figured out whether being attatched or single is better?

It's often true that what we desire we do not have and when we finally get it, we no longer want it.

This also applies, to a certain extent, to relationships. As a happy swinging single, we hang out with our friends and once in a while, with a twinge of jealously arises when we see couples locking arms, and strolling the streets, giggling away and whispering sweet nothings to each other.

But before you draw the line and conclude that, you, the swinging single, is disadvantaged just because you are not attatched, take a moment and think it through before you decide.

Unbeknownst to you, those who are attatched may sigh and think back about the freedom and time they used to have when theu were single. The fun and laughter, the late nights out with buddies and even the extra cash in the bank account.

So, does being attatched rob you of your individuality and freedom? Or is being single is just... lonely?

RISKS OF ABORTION

2009-03-19T16:19:00.002+08:00

Side effects may occur with induced abortion, whether surgical or by pill. These include abdominal pain and cramping, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Abortion also carries the risk of significant complications such as bleeding, infection, and damage to organs.
Complications may include:
- Heavy Bleeding - Some bleeding after abortion is normal. However, if the cervix is torn or the uterus is punctured, there is a risk of severe bleeding known as hemorrhaging. When this happens, a blood transfusion may be required.
- Infection – Infection can develop from the insertion of medical instruments into the uterus, or from fetal parts that are mistakenly left inside (known as an incomplete abortion). A pelvic infection may lead to persistent fever over several days and extended hospitalization. It can also cause scarring of the pelvic organs.
- Incomplete Abortion - Some fetal parts may be mistakenly left inside after the abortion. Bleeding and infection may result.
- Anesthesia – Complications from general anesthesia used during abortion surgery may result in convulsions- heart attack, and in extreme cases- death, increasing the risk of other serious complications by two and a half times.
- Damage to the Cervix - The cervix may be cut, torn, or damaged by abortion instruments. This can cause excessive bleeding that requires surgical repair.
Scarring of the Uterine Lining – Suction tubing, curettes, and other abortion instruments may cause permanent scarring of the uterine lining.
- Perforation of the Uterus - The uterus may be punctured or torn by abortion instruments. The risk of this complication increases with the length of the pregnancy. If this occurs, major surgery may be required, including removal of the uterus (known as a hysterectomy).
- Damage to Internal Organs - When the uterus is punctured or torn, there is also a risk that damage will occur to nearby organs such as the bowel and bladder.
- Death - In extreme cases, other physical complications from abortion including excessive bleeding, infection, organ damage from a perforated uterus, and adverse reactions to anesthesia may lead to death. This complication is rare, but is real.
Abortion:
Women who undergo one or more induced abortions carry a significantly increased risk of delivering prematurely in the future. Premature delivery is associated with higher rates of cerebral palsy, as well as other complications of prematurity (brain, respiratory, bowel, and eye problems).
Abortion and Breast Cancer:
Medical experts are still researching and debating the linkage between abortion and breast cancer. Here are some important facts:
Carrying your first pregnancy to full term gives protection against breast cancer. Choosing abortion causes loss of that protection. A number of reliable studies have concluded that there may be a link between abortion and the later development of breast cancer. A 1994 study in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute found: “Among women who had been pregnant at least once, the risk of breast cancer in those who had experienced an induced abortion was 50% higher than among other women.”
Emotional and Psychological Impact:
There is evidence that abortion is associated with a decrease in both emotional and physical health. For some women these negative emotions may be very strong, and can appear within days or after many years. This psychological response is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the symptoms are:
- Eating disorders
- Relationship problems
- Guilt
- Depression
- Flashbacks of abortion
- Suicidal thoughts
- Sexual dysfunction
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Spiritual Consequences

BY MAG

PIGGY'S PART 4

2009-03-18T13:04:00.002+08:00

"Don't leave the one you love for the one you like

because the one you like will leave for the one they love."

After breaking up,

Just let go.

They're just not worth for you to wait for.

Move on.

They won't turn back and return back to your side.

Somehow,

You still have to get on with your life.

Why stop at where you fell down?

Pick yourself up and continue with your life.

If you threaten him with stupid dangerous things,

He would feel better than he broke up with you beforehand.

Tell yourself that you are worth more than him,

And you will find someone better.
Way better.

If you fail one time,

Don't get discouraged.

Think,

Thomas Edison failed 1000 times before inventing the light bulbs.

If he got discourage and did not continue to do his experiment,

Do you think we will have any light bulbs now?

-piggy

ABORTION IS MURDER

2009-03-17T16:03:00.002+08:00

All of the options- abortion, or raising the baby, or allowing another family to adopt the baby- can carry emotional pain and personal sacrifice. But what you usually don't find in any abortion information, either pro or con, is a clear statement of what God offers this woman. He has something to say to her in the midst of her pain and confusion.
God does not need to weigh the pros and cons of abortion. He is larger than our confined spaces and limited views. He sees situations from the vantage point of what he can do for those who will turn to him. So to the woman who is considering an abortion, he might want her to hear his heart: "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." Psalms 145:8-9
When the Bible says that God is "good to all; he has compassion on all he has made," that means he is able to be good to both, to be compassionate to both the woman and the baby.
The woman may feel she is in a trapped, polarized position. Either she can be compassionate to herself, given all her circumstances, and have the abortion; or she can be compassionate to the baby, allowing it to be born.
Yet God says he is "good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." If he is able to be good to both, to be compassionate to both the woman and the baby, he must have solutions we don't see. Because God is more than capable of doing what he says, it becomes clear why he says, "Do not kill." Rather, God must know that if the woman will look to him to provide, he is capable of meeting her needs and the baby's needs.
It is God's character to respond to those who will turn to him and obey him. "The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing." Psalms 145:15-16 For those who will look to God, he offers to meet their needs.
The abortion information may not mention it, but consider this: "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfils the desires of those who fear him." Psalms 145:18-19 Fear him? It means to reverence Him. Those who fear God are those who acknowledge him as God over their lives and that he is God over the life of the baby also. He is rightfully God, and not ourselves. "He fulfils the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."
Will God really hear this woman's prayer if she seeks to follow him? Yes. "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil." 1 Peter 3:12
Is it hard to do what is right? It would be if she were totally on her own. If all the work, all the effort, all future for her life remained solely on her shoulders, then often doing what it right seems impossible. But God says we are not alone. We are not isolated in this world. A lot of abortion information neglects to mention that he is there. And he is so strong, so capable. "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:5-7
In the midst of tiring debates on the pros and cons of abortion, God is there, asking the woman in turmoil to turn to him, that he may show his compassion on all that he has made. Here is abortion information that God may want her to know: He will lift her up, meet her needs and her baby's needs, if she will let him be her God.

Abortion is not just a simple medical procedure. For many women, it is a life changing event with significant physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences. Most women who struggle with past abortions say that they wish they had been told all of the facts about abortion and its risks.

Spiritual Consequences
People have different understandings of God. Whatever your present beliefs may be, there is a spiritual side to abortion that deserves to be considered. Having an abortion may affect more than just your body and your mind- it may have an impact on your relationship with God. What is God's desire for you in this situation? How does God see your unborn child? These are important questions to consider.

BY: MAG

Strength

2009-03-17T10:47:00.006+08:00

You held my hand and promised we would be together...

Whispered sweet reassurances that I accepted into my ears...

But what was I hoping for?...

You're gone.

I hate you for doing this to me...

Why can't these tears stop?...

Why in the world...

Why?...

My world is getting darker...

Colder...

Morbid...

Have you forgotten me?

My friends and family...

Your gentle light casts great joy over this capering darkness that surrounds me...

But the sadness that's stabbing my heart will not go away...

When will it?...

What's that light?

I've never seen something so luminous from the day my soul wallowed in darkness...

Callings of my name...

Who's there?

You?...

In love with me?...

But I'm not good enough for you.

This love will only end up in tragedy.

Leave me and find someone else...

" Love will find its way through the darkest hours..."

You tell me.

"Give yourself a chance."

So I did.

So must you.

DONE BY ASRAH @GIRLSINSKIRTS BLOG//COPRIGHTED@2009

" Forbidden LOVE What it teaches you " -Chrome

2009-03-16T17:17:00.005+08:00

-It expands your life-

A guy you're willing to take a risk on is probably someone unique - someone diffrent from the typical guys in your school. Being with him opens your eyes yo a new experiences and ways of thinking. He helps you see there are so many more options for who you can love in the world. And even if he's not right for you, your eyes are permentaly opened to those amazing possibilities.

-It reveals a whole new side of you-

You and your guy may not connect on a deep level than you have with anyone else. It;s as if he taps into parts of yout personality no one else knows about it, that maybe you never knew existed. Even if it doesn't last with your forbbiden love, now that you're away of that level of coonnection, it will be easier to get there again with someone else. Sowhen you do find the right guy, you can love him fully.

-It shows the limits of love-

No matter how how strong your love is, it may not be strong enought to overcome the obstacles of real life, if a guy makes you feel because people don't approve could cause the relationship to end. But realising that love can't conquer all is an emotional rite of passage that prepares you for a more deeply rooted romance

-The Secret To Dealing With A Risy Romance-

Talk to someone-no matter how off limits the relationship fuels. Not only does it gives you an outlet for your emotions, but also makes your love real, not just some secret thing inside you. Plus, you'll walk away with concrete guidance on whether the relationship is worth pursuing so you'll end up doing what's best fot your heart.

" Dangerous Liasons (forbbiden love)" - Chrome

2009-03-16T15:54:00.004+08:00

You can't help who you fall in love with even if he's a guy you know you shouldn't be into. But understanding why he makes you feel the way he does will make these feelings less confusing.

he's your friends's boyfriend

WHY YOU WANT HIM

you know him better than you do most guys because you see him when his guards is down. There's no awkard " getting to know you" stuff, so it feels like he could jus as easily be your boyfriend.

MAKE IT WORK

you cannot mention your feelings for him until the day after they split -- if you do, any relationshipyou have will be built on drama. Plus, forcing yourself to wait helps you figure out if you really like him or just the thrill of the conquest.

WALK AWAY IF

You're having long intimate conversation or he start divulging details about his relationship with your friend. That's considered emotional cheating: It's unfair to her and proff he's a crappy bf material.

he's older than you

WHY YOU WANT HIM

While guys your age are cracking up over lame jokes, he's much more mature (plus he comes with perks, like more free dom and comes with a car (; ). And it's falttering to know someone so sophisticated, who could have his pick of girls, chooses you.

MAKE IT WORK

Hang out in groups of your friends and his intergrate him into your normal life and help close the gap between you. If it feel awkard, it's a red flag that you're not being yourself around him -- which means he's not the right fit for you.

WALK AWAY IF

He's three years older or more. Consider how diffcult you were three years ago -- that's how much diffrence here between you two. It may not feel like it, but you both live in seperate worlds.

you met online

WHY YOU WANT HIM

He always crafts the perfect flirty IM or Facebook message, and you feel an emotional intimacy, you don't get with most people because you share stuff you wouldn't say face-to-face.

MAKE IT WORK

You have to spend time with him in person -- seeing someone interact with friends and family is what turns your parents, and bring a friend.

WALK AWAY IF

He seems overly intrested in talking about sex, ask you to take pictures for him, or seems eager to meet you privayely. These a new warning, signs that what he's feeling isn't love -- and that you both aren't on the same page.

your parents don't like him

WHY YOU WANT HIM

He's probably tatally diffrent from your parents -- and it's exciting to meet someone with a cool new persepctive on life, instead of the same old boring parents-approve guy.

MAKE IT WORK

You need to show your parents that this isn't about rebellion. Make your case by inviting him to dinner, so they'll be move likely to see your perspective.

WALK AWAY IF

You know deep down that the issues your parents may have, they're being reasonable, think of another adult you trust, would that person approve of him?

" Forbidden LOVE "- Chrome

2009-03-15T21:59:00.007+08:00

How can something you know is wrong feel so right ? [seventeen by elisa benson]

" I was already in too deep...

because when I thought of him,

of his voice, his hypotic

eyes... I wanted

nothing more than to be with him."

- BELLA SWAN, TWILIGHT

Have you ever fallen for a guy you knew that suppose to be off-limits ? When you are with him, when you think about him, it doesn't feel forbbiden. Every flirty text exchange you have, every hour you spend sneaking off just to see him, and even just lying awake at night thinking about your next secret meeting makes you feel wildly excited. It's like all the obstacles that make him risky reinforce how special he is. And it's like this romance is bigger than anything your parents and friends could possibly understand. But the dizzying emotions that make your love so intense right now -- the allure of his mystery, the thrill of getting away with something -- can create a rocky foundation for a relationship. And when your feelings are so overwhelming, it's hard to see the relationship clearly and easy to tune out the people who can give you perspective -- a dangerous combination. Here's how to make sense of what's in your heart and figure it out if your love is worth fighting for.

huh ? Edward & Bella 's love is not worth fighting for ?!?! WHO SAID THAT ?! D:<>

- CHROME

"IT's Time For TOUGH LOVE" Break up survival guide - Chrome ♥

2009-03-15T21:16:00.008+08:00

These truths are hear to hear -- but facing them now will help you get over him faster in the long run.

He's not gonna call you. So stop obssively checking your phone. If you can't put it down, call your friend and talk to her instead.

You will never know why you got dumped. Trying to figure out or replaying certain moments that you wish you'd done diffrently will drive you insane. Tune out the chatter by listening by listening to Miley's 7 things or your favourite break-up songs instead.

But... you will find a better guy :) You may feel like no one will ever love you the way he did, but everyone feels that way after a split and everyone moves on. Ask Mum to tell you her worst " break- up story " for proof (and to get your mind off your own drama for a while)

-Chrome♥

" Your 5-step recovery plan " Break-up survival guide - Chrome♥

2009-03-15T19:44:00.011+08:00

Your BFFs are already on their way over with the ice-cream in hand, but here are some other ways you can help yourself heal.

1.MOPE

Go ahead, put on comfy sweats, then make this promise to yourself; " I'm going to give myself five days to watch crappy movies, eat ice-cream and feel heartbroken. Then, I'm going to start feeling better." Telling yourself that you'll get through this gives you, not him, control your feelings.

2.IGNORE HIM

Talking to him might seem helpful (" I'll just want to hear his voice!"), but it only reopens the wound. So, delete his number and remove him from your Facebook list. ( You can try to be friends later, after you moved on. )

3.CLEAN UP

Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. If you can't bear to thrash it for good, give it to a friend, so you don't have to see it on a daily basis. (She can give you back when you both decided that you are over him.) If you have the stuff he needs back (such a jerk) as her to give back to him.

4.STAY BUSY

Pinpoint the times you miss him the most (do you still listen to the last text before you fell asleep?) and fill them in with something else: Re-read Twilight , New Moon , Eclipse & Breaking Dawn , listen to Gekidou, or whatever . If you keep yourself distracted, the sadness will eventually fade on it's own .

5.SHARE

Hang out with your friends and share your thought and feelings with them. Or share with your family members or whoever that makes you feel comfortable ( but don't go sharing to the wrong company! ) Your friends and family will be there no matter what or no matter who you are .

AND DON'T FORGET: that half the world is filled with guys, why are you afraid that you won't end up with one? *winks* ;)

-Chrome♥

" How to dump him --- ^ the nice way^ " Break- up survival guide - Chrome♥

2009-03-15T19:10:00.011+08:00

You don't have to feel like you're going to crush his world -- these guidelines will make it easier on him and you

WHEN TO TELL
DO: Break the news when you can go your seperate ways, like the end of the school day on Friday. ( Avoid situations when you'd be forced to spend time together, like on a car ride -- so awkward ! )
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DON'T: Make excuses to drag it out. (" I don't want to ruin his birthday") Urgh. Stalling will just allow more timefor your unhappiness to build, so it will get even harder to en on good terms .

WHERE TO DO IT

DO: Choose a semi-private place, like the school parking lot , the detention corner , the last level of the school ( erm , maybe not, in case somebody tries to jump down ) , or his living room -- it spares the embrassment of making a scence ( or even; crying ) in front of, say, a random waitress at the restaurant or the principal just outside the general office .

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DON'T: Pick a totally private place like -- his bedroom -- where you could be talked into a one last kiss or something even more terrible - it will jus cost more pain and cause confusion. Or a very crowded place like outside a major shopping district or the canteen . It will cause more embrassment where both parties could attract unwanted attention .

WHAT TO SAY

DO: Be gentle but straight: " This isn't easy for me to say -- I don't think I'll ever stop caring for you -- but i need some space right now." ( aww, how Jacob&Bella ) Keep it short ( as if ripping off a Band-Aid [Plaster] ).

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DON'T: Blame him ("You never call when you say you will"), even he asks why. This is about you and what you need -- anything you say about him will just hurt his feeling more.

NEVER:Break up just to make up ! Don't dump your guy just to see if he comes running back. An on-again cycle undermines your relationship than making it stronger.

-Chrome♥

2009-03-14T18:20:00.001+08:00

LOVE LOVE LOVE

When most people think about love,
all they really think about it is romantic OR familial.
Those are two common aspects of how love is like,
but love is so much more than just an emotional attachment.
Love is also an attitude, lifestyle, belief system, and so much more.

Well, what does love mean to you?!

Is it just romantic, familial
OR
an attitude, lifestyle, belief system and so much more.

3rd, Cherrychero

" ARE YOU HEADED FOR A BREAK-UP ? " Break up Survival Guide part 1 - Chrome♥

2009-03-13T18:54:00.002+08:00

SIGNS YOU ARE OVER IT

Sometimes you ignore his calls -- you just don't feel like talking to him.
Things you used to find cute -- like his 'Secret' nickname for you --- you find it totally annoying , repulsive.
When you hook up, you feel like you're just going along with it -- you are not dying for him to kiss you anymore.
When you're out with your friends, you find yourself flirting with other guys.
Instead of feeling really good about yourself whne you're with him, you feel agitated, bored or distant.
You've thought about breaking up with him or asked friends if you should do it.

SIGNS HE'S OVER IT

He makes excuses for why he can't hang out -- repeatedly.
When you call his moblie, he never seems to pick up or have it on.
He "forgets" important stuff -- like you saying that you want to go watch the new movie over the weekend.
His friends, who usually talks to you, suddenly act weird around you.
He has made you cry, feel stupid or picked a fight more than once in the past week.

BOTTOM LINE: If you checked more then four signs in either coolumn, the relationship isn't working -- and at least one of you isn't willing to try fix it.

-Chrome♥

In Love and Clueless

2009-03-13T15:41:00.002+08:00

Young adults these days are more adventurous when it comes to exploring their sexuality, but their behaviour and lack of sexual health awareness also puts them at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Young, lusty and in love, but heedless about the dangers of unprotected sex.
Results from a July 2008 survey conducted by Bayer Schering Pharma of 240 ITE students, aged 15 to 20 ,on sexual health awareness showed how ignorant some of them are, according to a New Paper article.
Three in 10 students polled believed that douching (washing out) the genital area can remove all traces of sperm and prevent unwanted pregnancy. Three in 10 also believed that urinating and vigorous exercise can prevent pregnancy. 68 of the 240 youths surveyed have had sex, and only about half of them used contraceptives during their last sexual activity.
Another survey of 2,000 people in 10 countries, commissioned by The Body Shop and MTV Networks International, showed that only one in six women were willing to carry condoms in her handbag, as they believe doing so will give the perception that they are 'easy'. Preventing unwanted pregnancies aside, it seems that sexually active adults hardly pay any attention, if at all, to sexually-transmitted diseases, or STDs.
A separate HIV/AIDS survey conducted by the Singapore Health Promotion Board last year showed that 80.4% of participants were aware of at least two of the three ways to prevent HIV, and 36.6% were aware of all three and one in two participants did not know that using condoms can prevent HIV transmission.
The survey was conducted among 1,768 people ages 18 to 69 and asked participants about their awareness of HIV prevention, primarily concerning abstinence, fidelity and condom use.Just how well-versed are young Singaporeans when it comes to protecting themselves against unsafe sex and pregnancy?

PIGGY'S PART 3 <>

2009-03-12T20:26:00.003+08:00

Frank A. Clark said,

"A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it."

If you want to confess your love.

First, understand the person first.

Some people regretted being with the person after getting together.

Why?

Because he or she did not understand the person fully enough.

Henri B. Stendhal said,

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."

So, don't be scared of expressing yourself to the one you love,

Because you wouldn't know what the ending will be.

You might think that he or she won't like you nor accept you.

But, nobody knows the answer clearer than the person whom you had a crush on.

Be brave and do the right thing.

No matter what the answer is,

At least after you confess,

The person will know how you feel towards him or her.

Don't just hide in one corner and like them secretly.

If everyone thinks the same way as you,

Do you think we were even born?

You might even regret not confessing.

But everything is too late.